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Mental Health Break by GF

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  • #405071
    Kris
    Participant

    <p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>So, my girlfriend (21F) decided that she wanted to take a break from our relationship last Monday. She told me that she doesn’t enjoy anything in life anymore and she doesn’t know if she fell out of love or if her depression is causing her to feel that way. We didn’t talk for a whole week and I couldn’t take it anymore so I reached out to her and drove an hour and a half to go see her at her summer home. We talked for three hours and set expectations on if we get back together what our relationship would look like.</p>
    <p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>We both agreed that we got too comfortable with each other in the year and a half of being together and stopped doing “romantic” gestures for each other. I now realize that I need to keep a spark alive in a relationship whether that be going on an occasional walk or buying her a coffee whenever she’s feeling down because at a certain point before our break we were just best friends who had sex.</p>
    <p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>Also, when we talked I told her that no matter when or where I see her, I would always want to kiss her and so we did and MY GOD was it a good kiss. She pulled away and said she has butterflies but also wants to cry at the same time (WTF does that mean? Is it a good thing?)</p>
    <p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>I’m going on vacation in a week for two weeks so not getting the urge to reach out to her will be easier when I’m busy and surrounded by family but I do want to see her at least once before I leave and so I asked her on a date next Sunday. She said that she wants to but needs to think if its a good idea. She told me today that she doesn’t know if its a good idea and she “hopes to hear all about my trip at some point.”</p>
    <p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>And then before she left we kissed again but she said that she was nervous and it was honestly such a cute experience.</p>
    <p class=”_1qeIAgB0cPwnLhDF9XSiJM”>Before she got in her car, she looks me dead in the eyes and says “I can’t wait to feel better again.” So, we are for sure meeting up at the start of September when she moves back here for school but the thing is she most likely won’t be better by then… which is what’s fucking with me. I want to stay committed to her until she’s ready but what do you guys think about this whole situation?</p>

    #405154
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kris:

    Reads to me that she’s depressed (“she doesn’t enjoy anything in life anymore“), and that being depressed, she naturally fell out of love with you.

    “MY GOD, was it a good kiss. She pulled away and said she has butterflies but also wants to cry at the same time (WTF does that mean? Is it a good thing?)”- I think that it’s a good thing that she had butterflies: it means that her depression wasn’t deep enough to render her butterflies incapacitated. On the other hand, she was still depressed and therefore, she felt like crying.

    Before she got in her car, she looks me dead in the eyes and says ‘I can’t wait to feel better again.” So, we are for sure meeting up at the start of September when she moves back here for school but the thing is she most likely won’t be better by then… what do you guys think about this whole situation?“- she could be better by September if she gets professional help, quality therapy perhaps.

    anita

    #405168
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Kris

    Sorry to hear that about the difficulties with your relationship. It sounds like you’re doing all of the right things.

    Driving up to visit was very kind of you and a great idea to have a face to face conversation.

    It’s great that you’ve come to a realisation that you need to keep the romance alive in the relationship. I’m sure this will serve you well.

    Regardless of what happens next, you are trying your best. I wish you both all the best!

    #405571
    Dean
    Participant

    It sounds like you are supportive of her and her struggles, and that is all anyone can really ask for in a relationship. However, she knows she’s not in a good place and has taken the initiative to realize that it may have affected your relationship on a romantic level, along with actively not keeping the ‘spark’ there.

    All you can do now is let her know you’re there for her and support her. It will work out the way it should, no matter how much you want to push it to go the way you would like.

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