December 15, 2013 at 6:59 am #46783stacyParticipant
I am having troubles with my mental illness. I have bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. I cycle between these things and I never feel at ease. Right now I am having a terrible bout with anxiety and I can’t relax.
I’m trying to use the Buddhist principles and mindfulness but I can’t seem to sit still or concentrate.
I am taking my meds every day and still don’t seem to feel any better. I am seeing my doctor as I’m supposed to. I’m still struggling. I feel terrible and exhausted all the time from all the anxiety. I feel hopeless and I’m trying to get out of the black hole I am in. I’m trying to find a new doctor, I keep leaving messages and no call backs.
I really don’t have any friends or any support groups I can go to.
I don’t know what else to do.
thanks for reading, I just needed to get all of this out. Maybe someone out there can relate.December 15, 2013 at 11:30 am #46797JeanneParticipant
I read your letter and I just want to tell you that you are not alone.. I to, am bipolar with panic and anxiety disorders. And i also suffer with schizophrenia. I also have a rapid recycle. Which means I have a bigger turn over of manic episodes and sever depression episodes. Each one lasting for days.. If im lucky enough to make it out of my house and go to the store, my Dr. has me take a extra pill that helps me relax some. Granted, it doesn’t take away all the pressure of panic and anxiety but it helps..It keeps me from running out of the store, hiding in the dressing room, or in the clothes rack.. really…some of the things that I did…Then I began to just stay home and shop online. Once they even called the rescue squad for me because they thought I was having a heart attack in the clothes rack !! Ask your Dr about a med to take before you have a situation where you might have a attack. always take your MEDS… ( I take 21 pills per day) Im 61yrs. have been bipolar for over 21 yrs. and am always learning more and more about it…ans stacy..i have no support, i have family…but still no supportDecember 15, 2013 at 1:43 pm #46801annParticipant
Mental illness is a very lonely and isolating condition to suffer from; I too know your pain. I am very lucky to have my Mom, boyfriend, and a few friends for support but the reality is they will never be able to truly understand the mess which is my mind. This often causes varying tensions and frustrations within these relationships that add to my daily struggles. I have found the most rewarding support comes from others who suffer with mental illness, some medical professionals, and most importantly me.
I bid you these two things that I believe has given me quality of life over the years:
1. Acceptance. Simply put I stopped wishing my mind away. I stopped comparing myself to others, assuming based on appearances their mind was better than mine was. I persevered through the shame of mental illness and even found the humor on the other side. I once told my boyfriend “Crazy can be fun, it at least keeps it interesting!” I’m glad he agreed but only because I had to first.
2. Don’t stop trying to find the right medical treatment until you find adequate relief. Don’t ever give up on finding the right treatment for yourself. Keep making the calls, leave message after message, make appointment after appointment, until you find the doctor that will lead you to medication(s) that best balance your brain chemicals and provide you with necessary therapy that will support you through this life. Knowledge is power; arm yourself with information about your condition. Be assertive, you will thank yourself when you feel better, trust me.
I extend to you my hand and my encouraging smile. I believe mentally ill people are some of the strongest souls that exist, not only do we have to find our way in this world but find it through our own minds. Keep trying like you are, believe in the best for yourself and you will get there!December 15, 2013 at 3:40 pm #46805Sean BloomfieldParticipant
I wholeheartedly agree with ann
My son Ryan 24yrs old was diagnosed with bipolar 2yrs ago, in some small way it was a relief ,as he was living on the street ,surviving on his wits, living a life that as his dad leaves me ashamed because I had for so long thought as did his mum and stepdad this was a boy totally out of control.
The remorse and sadness is so consuming at times , that it is difficult to try and put into words.( this is my 3rd attempt in 4 hrs to write this reply to you)
Ann is absolutely on the money “you” hold the key and while that must seem so daunting you have to follow to the letter her advice ,keep calling, keep writing ,keep talking, whatever.you have to do . And if you need proof that you can be heard ….look at these heartfelt responses every person here is with you .your frustration is felt by me because I feel it for my son he will have my unconditional support and in a strange way you ..yes you..have helped me because while I was trying to shop for Christmas with my son purely to get him out in public , I had a tx message from a friend telling me to look at your post on tiny Buddha as I may find it relevant to myself ….now I realise that reading this some may feel I am the one who needs the support and help , they could not be more wrong ,ryan is the one who needs constant motivation ,monitoring ,and simple honest reassurance and love that will help him to feel he will not have to do this journey alone.
Stacy you are not alone anymore as we have got your back ,you have by your very post allowed me to express to the very people who understand bipolar and mental illness my frustration with the system which is supposed to be there to help and which instead is found lacking in a true commitment to make a difference.
Strap on your armour, pick up your sword and fight for you . Educate yourself in every way you can to understand your condition and also educate those who are prepared to listen, but also include those people who you feel aren’t listening but ” should”
Never give up on you , you are here to be loved and be an important part of this great universe,
You are in my thoughts and in my heart .
SeanDecember 17, 2013 at 2:56 am #46884chilParticipant
I understand how difficult these times are, I am with you . When the intense anxiety runs over you … for a moment or couple let it be it cannot kill you and not this time.
All those intense feelings cannot harm you stacy, not this time…. remind yourself of this “not this time these feeling cannot harm me” having doing this…. if you are music buff immediately focus yourself on some good music … or if you like watching TV do watch it this immediate time….i am sure you immediately feel better.
practice this soon anxiety and other negativity will be gone.
.I am not sure of being bipolar which i will educate myself and post more to you
chillDecember 17, 2013 at 12:19 pm #46926BobParticipant
Hello Stacy —
Being a bit off kilter and a bit complusive with my enrgy level, I consider this as being just a little odd and I learned to accept it. Little did I know but I would later be diagnosed with being bi-polar and it is not fun. Even after all these years, I remain cautious and aware of my mood swings. I do use minor doses of meds and a therapist to keep me level. The rollercoaster ride to hell is a constant shadow and it is always close by and I do have to be extremely careful with my reactive personality traits.
Many people who also suffer as I do, cannot hold down a job, relationship or be social stable and many are in controlled enviromental facilities. With that knowledge, I am truly happy to have done as well as I have. Tomorrow my chemical imbalance could go haywire and I will have to take some preventive measures to ensure my safety and those around me. In a moment I could take an unexpected stumble but I will be focused and not fall down.
Be careful and walk in peace…