Mentally shattered

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    Hi All,

    A few months back my fiance (of 4 years) and I broke up as we were constantly arguing and just not in a good place. We had broken up but it all just felt like a break really and that we would end up back together. I mean she’s the love of my life. And we still spoke everyday about how much we loved each other and missed each other etc… but then one day i found she had left her email address logged in my laptop so I decided to snoop. I found out that she had been sending nude photo’s to one of her old bosses for the last year and a half of our relationship and he was sending her money for them. I always did wonder how she had so much more money than me despite earning the same! None of the conversations had anything about doing anything physical (he’s about 30 years older than her and very wealthy) and when I confronted her about she swears that nothing physical ever happened between them, but still this was a really hard blow for me mentally as I never in a million years expected this from her… I would have laid my life on the line that this was not a possibility. So my whole image of her as a person and our relationship (we were due to get married this year!) has completely shattered and now I don’t know if I could ever trust a person again if this is possible!

    Fast forward a few months and even after this we have still been speaking to each other everyday and even met up a few times, but i have been trying to move on even though i love her and i told her I had slept with a few other women. She was very upset but i wanted to be honest.

    Then last night I found out that she is pregnant after a one night stand she had after i told her this 🙁 and now I just feel completely mentally shattered. The woman I was to spend the rest of my life with and have kids with was a. not the person i thought she was and b. pregnant with another mans baby… My mind is just completely blown and I have never felt emotional pain like it, i want to either cry or throw up constantly. Did she ever really love me? She still says she loves me know! I just don’t know what to do to get my mind back to a healthy place because I just feel destroyed right now… I just feel like I don’t know what’s real anymore and is anything anyone ever says the truth? It feels like the woman i loved has died and I can’t deal with the grief…


    Dear Paul:

    It is only last night that you found out that she had a one night stand and  is  pregnant, and that one night occurred while the two of you were  on a  break?

    You mentioned working, and this is Thursday, are  you going  to work  today?





    Hi Anita,

    Yes only last night I found out and I am in work today. I spent most of my morning crying in the bathroom and I just feel so low…

    Yeah we have been broken up for about 4 months now but still speak everyday and i have slept with others but i was careful and she has got pregnant which has really hurt me because we had such a strong connection and love and now just a few months later she is pregnant with another mans child and we talked so much about having that ourselves after we got married. It’s just so hard to get my head around it…


    Dear  Paul:

    When shocked, or “mentally shattered”, sticking to a routine is very important. So I hope you focus best  you can at work and  make  it through the day, then go home and do the fundamental routine tasks you do every day but rest more than usual, alone. Get  comfortable, listen to relaxing music and/ or take a long  walk in nature, and do so every day for a while, so the  dust settles in your brain, so to speak.

    Regarding the  matter  that shattered  you, if you want  to  discuss  it and  you can handle it, we can, but if  we do and  it gets distressing, better to not discuss  it and  distract instead, focusing on the workday and tasks at hand.

    The two of you were on a break but you still were together, I understand, I mean officially separated but  practically together?  And during that break you had sex  with  other women, she  knew  about  it but you didn’t know she  was having  sex with another man, or other  men?



    Hi paullyt,

    I wouldn’t look at it as “She loved me” or “she didn’t”.

    The sending of the nude photos for money (while she had a job) and the getting pregnant with another man’s baby the minute she had unprotected sex (while she knew she could easily get that from you) REEKS of a woman struggling with desperation.

    But the mental illness of it is (there, I said it) is that there is no REASON for her to behave this way. It’s not like she was broke. It’s not like it’s Life During Wartime (when these kind of random pregnancies occur).

    Listen, my friend: SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER.

    This breakup is a blessing.

    Don’t get sucked into raising her baby. (The next illogical step)



    • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
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