- This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 12 months ago by
Woody.
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June 5, 2015 at 10:59 am #77767
JamesParticipantI am currently approaching 40, have a solid (but personally unfullfilling) career, a family, and from all external appearances, I have my life together and am “successful”. My issue is that I feel far from successful and feel that my life, from a work perspective, which is where i spend a major portion of my time, is not where I want to be. The larger issues is that I have NO idea of what i would want to do instead, or what my passion is. All i can think of is “doing nothing” – sitting on a beach somewhere after hitting the lottery. I’m not even joking – i cannot come up with a single idea that stirs passion within, yet i continue to visualize (fantasize) about having financial abundance. There is a huge disconnect between non-action (where I am currently stuck) and action (not sure what right action to take even is). I have been “stuck” here for at least a year now, and continue to spin my wheels without moving forward. Any guidance is appreciated. I have taken career tests, tried finding your passion exercises, etc, etc and keep coming up blank. I just want to enjoy this world, and enjoy my time with my family without having to work for it! Selfish, unrealistic, completely crazy??????
June 5, 2015 at 3:02 pm #77769
AnonymousGuestDear johara:
I read and I pretty much agree that it is social conditioning, wesern society in origin social conditioning to have lofty goals starting as children with being posed the question: what do you want to do when you grow up? and … plenty of adults asking themselves the same question at any age. I read that most people just want their needs met, social connection, some excitement, some routine (I am elaborating here on what I read) and that is about it. Just BE pretty much.In an article I received today (on being good enough) from tiny buddha, it says: “Our society conditions people to tie up their self-worth to how much they “contribute,” and that supposed “contribution” often refers to the amount of money we earn or our social status. Society creates an artificial duality between “successful” people and others.” and “Depending on your belief or reasoning, you could spend your entire life just meditating under a tree, doing absolutely nothing, and you would still be totally relevant as a human being.”
So there—
anitaJune 8, 2015 at 5:17 am #77849
StephanieParticipantOhhhhh how this hits home for me! I have been feeling the same way for the past two/three months and unable to shake it. I figured I’ve been having some kind of mid-life crisis (I’m in my early thirties) and I’m in the same boat: unable to discover what my passion is, feeling bored with my job, constantly craving vacations or escapes from my reality, just wanting endless money to travel and relax and enjoy life with. I am really struggling lately to even have a purpose in life… I have no idea what mine is, and I feel… lost. You put it well.
June 8, 2015 at 9:02 am #77867JamesParticipantSo interesting that you mentioned constantly craving vacations or escapes from reality – i did not mention that above but it is what i have been doing on a daily basis. The question I can’t seem to find an answer to is, “What do i do about it and how do i move forward and 1) shake this feeling and 2) find my passion and 3) live life to it’s fullest given I success at #1 and #2.
June 8, 2015 at 11:27 am #77884StephanieParticipantI saw something online (Facebook) the other day that said “I want to create a life I don’t need a vacation from” and that really got my attention because its the total opposite of my life but something I’d love to have.
But at least you consider yourself successful! I have to work 2 jobs (even though they both pay pretty decent) just to pay the bills and it’s literally draining all the life from me. I wake up on the weekends for work and cry because I just want to be at home and resting and taking time for myself. My weekday job is OK bu I’m not satisfied here either.
I ask myself every day “Is this it?? Is this all that’s in store for me? Do I need to just suck it up and accept this and realize that life is sometimes boring an fulfilling and not all excitement and glitter?”
I’m at some kind of mid life crisis phase here and I’ve been unable to pull myself out of this depression for going on over a month and it honestly feels like I’m living in hell.
I feel empty. I can’t muster any excitement to do any of the things I used to enjoy doing. “learn a new language! take a class!” I keep reading = nah. Don’t even feel a desire to do anything other than curl up in a ball on the couch after work.
I always imagined myself further ahead at this point..Do I accept my reality? Or do I change it? All I know is right now my reality is unsatisfactory and I’m unable to achieve lasting happiness while living inside this reality. Is this my own fault? Am I just selfish and want too much? Am I too mentally lazy to challenge myself to think positively? I constantly want to escape, even when I’m escaping!
I am in the exact same rut…. I’ve tried all the “Whats your purpose in life” questions and I still keep drawing a blank. I think this lack of purpose is leaving me empty inside. ‘Find what you love and youll never work a day in your life’ is what Im trying for but I have no idea where to start. Is relaxing a career?? lol
June 8, 2015 at 12:31 pm #77889AnonymousGuestReg Stepnanitely’s comment above: I vote for accepting our reality. What is the alternative? Misery. Resisting our reality brings misery. Even when it is a wonderful idea to change it, you have to be at your best state of mind to create that wonderful change, and to be in that state you need to be calm, that is accepting of the way things are.
Then examine what it is you want to do, how much of it is social and marketing conditioning: making more money, buying more things, getting a social status via a prestigious degree/ job/ career.
How many people who have lots of money, many things and social status are depressed???
So what is it that you need? Maybe to just BE, to be left alone to rest and be by yourself, just to be.
Who is taking notes about how you are doing in the World, how you fare, the marketing spies, the president, the neighbors, parents? Whose expectations are you trying to satisfy and why?
anita
June 8, 2015 at 12:57 pm #77892
Bethany RosselitParticipantI’m 36 years old and went through the same thing 2 years ago. It ended up with me doing some DEEP soul-searching and ultimately moving across the country with my family to live on a saiboat! Here is a guest blog post I wrote about it: http://www.thechangeblog.com/reset-button/ .
What I can say is that life is full of change, so embrace these urges! Be very curious with your own mind and discover what it is that you are seeking and WHY. And what is holding you back. Yes, this is a very self-centered process, but it is one that will strengthen you in every aspect of your life.
June 9, 2015 at 3:59 am #77919StephanieParticipantAnita – Thank you! Acceptance is hard for me, because I do want more (even though I don’t know what exactly it is I want) but you’re very wise to remind me that I need to make my future decisions in a calm and at-peace mental state. I have a bad habit of reacting in impulsive and emotional ways, I need to be in a good place to make good decisions. Thank you!
Bethany – Wow! So good to know Johara77 and I are not alone in this feeling! I’m so happy you were able to conquer what was happening and discover the new chapter in your life… I’m on my way to read your blog right now.This is giving me hope that it’s not too late for me and I can still put new wind in MY sail 🙂
Thank you, everyone!
December 18, 2016 at 6:28 pm #122985
WoodyParticipantThis struck a chord…. I have many of the same feelings. Through searching I found the “six questions” in Tiny Budda to try and find purpose and then proceeded to answer them thinking this an easy task… only to find I have lost a part of me that I once had. A long time ago I would have easily answered these questions immediately with passionate answers, but today, drained and drowned out by work, providing, and being responsible, I’ve lost who I am…. the dreamer in me, who set goals and ambitions. I’m struggling to answer even the most basic of these questions. I work each day to answer them a little more, digging deep to remember who I was\want to be, but it’s a struggle. But I desperately need to find that person again. To re-connect…. Maybe at that point, if I can re-connect with that person, can I venture out to try and have a “sailboat” experience, but till that point, I struggle…
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