Minor Roommate Setback

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    Hello Tiny Buddha family!

    I have a minor setback with my roommate that seems to cause me a great deal of anger inside! This time I would like some advice regarding an issue before I say anything to my roommate. She is much younger than I am. She is 19 years old and she is somewhat responsible and has a stable job and goes to school full time. The thing that bothers me the most however is the bad company she chooses to associate in her life…that she is bringing to our place. This guy she is seeing really has nothing going for him and he is young too and has a kid already, sells drugs to make his money and works at a hardware store once a week. They aren’t dating but they hang out. The problem I have is he is constantly at our place now and sleeps over, eats our food, AND takes showers now. I have a big problem with this. I work full time to pay rent and buy food and pay my bills along with our joint bills now and he is freeloading. I don’t appreciate things like that. If he was over once in awhile it would be fine, but he is literally over more often than not now and I don’t care for this guy whatsoever especially when he decided to drive drunk in the car with multiple people (Including myself) and I had no idea that he was intoxicated. I really tried and have tried to give this guy a shot but I have no respect for him. Anyway I’m not working to support him and pay my gas and water bills and rent that he has no contribution to. Of course, I’m not the only one paying these things my roommate is paying her share as well. But does this make me stingy? I’m a very giving and caring person but I work hard and I’m a very private person and I don’t appreciate people coming in taking advantage and doing it constantly without helping or contributing. I need some advice on how to speak with my roommate politely without her feeling that I’m attacking her or being “a mom”. When this guy drove drunk the first time with our lives in his hands with me having no idea I gave her a nice talking to and she was upset feeling I’m the mother figure of course and I told her look I’m here to advise and help in no way am I telling you what to do with your life but I care about you and I want you to be safe and make smart choices. I know after I tell you this and you leave that you are going to go do it anyway (which is always upsetting) but what can you do? I just want to know for future how to better control my anger and not let it consume me so much AND some suggestions on how to mention how her guy friend coming over and freeloading is an issue. Thank you!


    Also to add another thing that is upsetting is the lack of effort she puts into our place because she is too busy out partying and then waking up to work. She doesn’t have her priorities straight. People have always done things for her and I am not going to be that person. I have been the only one to clean our place and take care of things. How would I address this with her for some contribution? Thank you!


    Being compassionate is difficult at times. Even I cannot give you direct answers as to how to solve the issues with your roommate. Personally, I believe in voicing myself whenever I deem it necessary to eliminate or reduce (further) discord. However, when I find that my words fail, if I am able to control (or change) my environment, I will as a last resort. In your case, I urge you to voice your concerns as kindly as you can. It will then be up to her to heed your words and act accordingly. If not, do not feel any guilt nor obligation to help her for, as you well know, we must all undergo ‘chaotic’ experiences which we must overcome to help us grow. She must make her own path.

    When you believe you’ve done your part and find that you still aren’t able to tolerate your environment then I advise you change it, if possible. Perhaps this experience, too, is a hurdle in your journey that you must overcome. Keep looking at your options. There is always an answers. Good luck.

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