Hey
I have been writing since sometime in this forum that I am being lost and not happy etc., but today I have different thought of what I am and what I am going through.
As my thoughts and thinking is evolving of what exactly I am , what I am going through, my relations with my dear ones, quite often cribbing on my unavoidable relations , cribbing on my lost relation….. I realized that this is what I choose knowing or unknowingly.

I had a broken relation and got into another quickly just because I wanted to avoid a void and wanted to keep that love factor in life. I found equivalent to me in finances and so did not give much thought or spent time thinking on my next Mr. right….I was too fast, wanted to board the bus that’s all.
I lacked total clarity on what I wanted, compatibility, I just wanted a commitment and get life going. in fact I lacked wisdom and my circumstances were quite influenced by my next circle of my dear ones , my parents and well-wishers. I was influenced because I lacked clarity and I became white board and people can keep writing on it.

Today I have this repentance that I could have done better, I could have saved myself from some present circumstances but eventually nothing can be changed now.
At least now I realize taking time to know yourself is very essentially and root for all the fruits and worries going forward. I told myself that I will take care of you from now on …. but the hole in my inner core and pain of having lost the best , love will ever be there until my death, it is a loss.. and my mistake is unrecoverable.