Need help with my involvement when it comes to my daughter. I am worried for my daughter, her boyfriend has moved away after dating for over a year and all her friends have moved on as well for school and from her. She is showing signs of anger towards me. She is feeling lonely and bored, even a little down. My daughter is 18 and I have always been a big influence in her life. I have poured my whole life into her, most time neglecting other members of my family, so those relationships are strained also. Let me explain my relationship with her over the last four years. I have been very involved in every aspect of her life, i started looking at her texts the later part of grade nine, almost daily. She started high school with a good group of friends, she met a few new friends over the course of the 4 years of high school and some would come and go but she generally stuck to her close friends. I would comment negatively on her friends actions or behaviours and i would pry into my daughters relationships to see what was going on to get a better understanding of things. (That of course I had read in texts that she has no idea about) I held my daughter in high regard and if I felt anyone else did not feel the same way i would dismiss them to my daughter and talk poorly about them in hopes my daughter would see them the same way, if they were not good to my daughter I was not good to them and was vocal about it. (This is all wrong, I know). I wanted positive influences in my daughters life and I was going to move mountains to make it happen. I began being really involved in grade 10, telling her how she should look, what she should wear, how her make up/hair should be. All in a positive/nice way or so I thought. I constantly will tell her how good she looks, or comment on her body/face/hair. Good and bad, I still do this probably on a daily basis. I don’t know how to stop. Over the years I was the taxi driver, the mom that would allow the parties and the drinking and the “fun” to happen at our home. I was the “cool” mom. I allowed her to have a boyfriend and let them stay in her room, I made sure she had protection and talked to her about her sexual experiences and guided her or helped her if she had questions. Grade 10, 11 and 12 were all about her boyfriends and sometimes her friends but mostly about spending time with her boyfriends, she has had 3 serious boyfriends over the last three years. Now everyone has left, she had a falling out with one of her best friends who hurt her badly and never allowed any closure to the relationship. Her friend wants nothing to do with her. It was of course over a boy. It ruined her senior year and caused problems with the other girls in the friend group because it was all too awkward for the girls to be all together again. My daughter starting withdrawing and spent more time with her boyfriend who now has moved away and is going to another school. Her other friends starting hanging out with the friend she had a falling out with because she was single and had no problem that my daughter and her were no longer friends, she carried on and had a wonderful summer partying with everyone and living life. My daughter withdrew and only partied with her boyfriend and his friends. I held my daughter on a very high pedistle, all her friends and their moms new it, i wanted her to have the best of the best. Trips, clothes, cars etc, whatever I could afford. She was popular in high school, a pretty girl with a nice body and she was fun. Now she has no social life unless she goes to her boyfriends home town or if he comes to visit old friends/relatives. She only had a seasonal job this summer and she is not working but doing some courses to figure out what she want to do with her life. I will do things with her like go to a movie or out to eat but I feel like she doesn’t want to be with me which is understandable because she would rather be doing this with her friends. None of her friends have asked her to come see them while they are away at school. I am lost as to what to encourage her to do, I tell her to get a job, meet new people at her part time courses, excercise… I feel like i have set her up for failure. Also a note of interest she is getting acne and it is really bothering her, she feels like if it gets worse she cannot go out in public. I of course feel like i have done this to her because i have put so much emphases on how she has looked over the years. I am at a loss as to how I can help her.
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Jim replied to the topic So much to learn. in the forum Relationships 10 minutes ago
Hi Eliza. Welcome to Tiny Buddha. It sounds like you are a person of great character and integrity. Its normal to yearn for someone to share life with. But your so young, there is no rush to find the perfect mate. It takes time and you are absolutely right to stick to your principles. In my case, I lowered my principles and rushed into a…[Read more]
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Jennifer Martin became a registered member 45 minutes ago
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