- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
September 25, 2016 at 3:35 pm #116231dreaming715Participant
Should I move across the country alone and “start my life over?”
My background: I’ll be 28-years-old in one month. I am not close with my extended and immediate family. I’ve lived 4 hours away from my hometown for the past 9 years. I’m also estranged from my biological mother due to her lifelong drug problems, habit of disappearing from my life, and borderline abusive behavior.
In the past three years:
-I was engaged and my fiancé unexpectedly left me in the middle of our wedding planning process.
-I tried to date (online and through some friends). I have dated about 28 different men and unfortunately nothing has worked out. I’m currently seeing someone, but I don’t feel confident in our relationship making it through the long haul.
-I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, but lately it has (thankfully) been manageable. I work from home remotely full time.
-I’m in the process of re-homing my dog (this is a whole different story in another thread).
-My close friends are in relationships/engaged/married/co-habitating/homeowners/and parents. I feel very sad that my life doesn’t relate to theirs and vice versa.
-I live with two friends (they’re in a relationship and have been for 5 years). Lately, I’ve been resenting them. I recognize this is my issue- not theirs. They haven’t really done anything wrong. I feel resentful because they do not seem to understand why I’m sad. They also take an approach of “try harder” when it comes to all of my problems. Do I want better health? Try harder. Do I want a boyfriend? Try harder. I’ve been trying for the past three years and still feel that I’m stuck at the starting line.
I’ve been seriously considering moving across the country to California and starting over. I feel like I don’t like this life anymore. I want a new one and I don’t know how to else to do that besides uprooting my life and having a completely clean slate to work off of.September 26, 2016 at 6:16 am #116298Peter ReeceParticipant
My name’s Pete. That’s a really tough gig you’ve got there. A lot of things are not the way you want them and I can understand your despair.
Your dissatisfaction revolves around people and health it seems: you have challenges within your extended and immediate family; you’re not confident in your current close relationship; and you don’t seem to have the same relationship with friends that you once had. Added to that is your chronic health condition.That’s enough for anyone to think about moving away!
Having said that, can I ask you how would moving to the other side of the country improve your health and your relationships?
Can I ask you as well, what is the state of other important life areas e.g. work? finances? hobbies? How would moving affect them?
What is there that is good about your current life that you would like to keep?
PeteSeptember 26, 2016 at 7:48 am #116305AnonymousGuest
Since you work from home, you can continue to do the same job from another location, another state. You are estranged from your bio mother, not close with your extended family or with your roommates- and not too close with your boyfriend. Moving might give you the fresh beginning you need (and you can still post on tiny buddha from your new location!)
Moving is not a solution to the struggles that take place between-the-ears, but the move itself can be a jolt in the right direction, a push, kind of fresh air to steer you to try new things, a new approach, attitude, etc.