Helping you to thrive through change, challenge and crisis.
Forum Replies Created
October 21, 2016 at 7:18 am #118608
Wow! I just love that analogy from Peter about where you are is the correct place to move from. It applies to us all so will apply to you too!
You talk much about fear. I would encourage you to read Susan Jeffers’s classic book, “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway”. I’m sure it will help. She refers to some truths about fear, which I’m partly paraphrasing:
1. Fear will never go away as long as I grow
2. The only way of getting rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it
3. Everyone feels fear (but some just push through it)
4. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the fear
PeteSeptember 28, 2016 at 8:44 am #116561
BTW I also think Nina’s advice is excellent. Altruism is a proven way of feeling happier.September 28, 2016 at 8:39 am #116558
I think everyone on here has been through tough times one way or the other so we can empathise.
You’re clearly overwhelmed by all your emotions but the important thing to realise here is that you do have a choice in how to respond to your situation.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of Viktor Frankl but he was a psychiatrist who survived the concentration camps. While he was in Auschwitz, suffering the most unimaginable degradation, he came to realise that no matter what we go through in life, nothing can take away our freedom to choose our attitude to what we face. In our case, we can choose to take responsibility for our own way forward out of our misfortune.
I don’t know if this helps, but what I did when life seemed to be going out of control was to get a pen and paper and write down a list of what I could do to change or help my situation. I knew no one could help me unless I helped myself. You’re very brave, you’ve taken the first step to moving forward. Now take the next one.
PeteSeptember 26, 2016 at 6:25 am #116299
A terrible situation you are in. I feel for you deeply.
I don’t feel qualified to offer you any advice here but may I ask a question?
You’ve said what you do want to happen i.e. that you leave or she throws you out.
What do you want for your life beyond that?
PeteSeptember 26, 2016 at 6:16 am #116298
My name’s Pete. That’s a really tough gig you’ve got there. A lot of things are not the way you want them and I can understand your despair.
Your dissatisfaction revolves around people and health it seems: you have challenges within your extended and immediate family; you’re not confident in your current close relationship; and you don’t seem to have the same relationship with friends that you once had. Added to that is your chronic health condition.That’s enough for anyone to think about moving away!
Having said that, can I ask you how would moving to the other side of the country improve your health and your relationships?
Can I ask you as well, what is the state of other important life areas e.g. work? finances? hobbies? How would moving affect them?
What is there that is good about your current life that you would like to keep?
PeteSeptember 23, 2016 at 5:43 am #115988
Hi Urban Sun
I don’t know if the prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous is of any use at a time like this but I find it helps:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
PeteSeptember 22, 2016 at 12:27 am #115864
Get back to my former company, get a steady income, rebuild my life piece by piece. Start my own project in the spare time. This time making some savings, fix my debt. Make new friends, have a new relationship. Study that thing that I put off for years.
That’s quite some ambitions you’ve listed there. Well done.
Which one of them is the most important to you right now?
PeteSeptember 21, 2016 at 1:59 pm #115839
My apologies if I’ve mis-understood your emotions.
A different question then:
What’s your ideal work scenario? Describe what you would really like to happen at some point in the future.
PeteSeptember 21, 2016 at 11:43 am #115824
Hi Cherry Blossom
My thoughts are with you in this very challenging situation you’re involved in.
It does seem to me that you perhaps don’t so much need a miracle but as Anita (I think) suggested you need clarity.
You are clearly very angry about what has happened and that is understandable. However, I wonder if your emotions are obscuring your clarity of thought?
From what you have said, it is very important that you find work as soon as possible. If this were happening to someone you cared about, what advice would you give them right now?
PeteSeptember 20, 2016 at 7:38 am #115691
Firstly, my sincere sympathies to you in your situation.
Secondly, now you’re written your whole story down, how do you feel about it?
Thirdly, like Anita, I don’t believe in fate either. I believe we are the product of many, many things, among them our choices. There is no doubt you’ve been dealt a poor hand in life with your OCD and your depression. The question is, what now? Can you make positive choices to steer your life in the right direction?
I’d just like to reflect back to you some of the words you have used: nothing seems to work. Every goal I set I seem to be unable to reach. And it’s very frustrating. Everything i ever wanted in life failed.
Well done for trying to make things work and for setting yourself goals and you would really help yourself even more if you could think of something that does work, a goal you have reached and something you wanted in life which did succeed. On these wins, however small, you can build a way forward.
I hope this helps
PeteSeptember 19, 2016 at 5:49 am #115587
That’s a tough situation you’ve been through. Am I right in thinking though that you’re no longer responsible for your older sister if she’s now working?
PeteSeptember 19, 2016 at 5:43 am #115586
I feel for you. It sounds like you’re grieving as Miniature Bodhisattva says. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly natural to feel that way. Losing a friendship (although I guess it’s about the distance rather than the friendship) is a significant life challenge.
Do grieve, but put a cap on it for your own sake. Give yourself a certain length of time and then vow to move on with your life.
Tip: ask yourself what is it you want out of this friendship in the future and what options you’ve got so that you can live the life you want. The answers may surprise you.
Best of luck
PeteSeptember 16, 2016 at 3:09 am #115337
If you don’t want to approach the supervisor (I can understand your reasons) but you want something to change then in your position, I would sit down with a piece of paper and ask yourself what exactly you want to achieve, whether it is in your control and then what you can do about it?
1. What exactly do I want to achieve?
2. How much of that is within my control (and therefore achievable)?
3. What can I do about it?
With the last question, challenge yourself to come up with at least ten different things you could do and then see which you think is best to concentrate on.
Give it a try if you really want something to change and come back and tell us what you have decided.
PeteSeptember 16, 2016 at 1:44 am #115331
Hi Vlad. What an awful sounding workplace. It doesn’t sound like your employer has heard of the effect of the immediate environment on productivity. It also doesn’t sound like they’re that interested in their employees. Has anyone talked to the managers/owners to discuss ways of getting oxygen in there?