- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by
Matt.
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August 15, 2014 at 11:22 pm #63499
camiParticipantDear Community,
I would appreciate any advice, particularly from older adults who can see the big picture.I have a big decision to make..
I am an American who studied in England and have friends and the most wonderful boyfriend over in England. I moved back to America as my visa recently expired. My original plan was to look for work in London so that I could move back in with my boyfriend and we could both have graduate jobs there. However, lately I have found it very hard to find the motivation to apply for these boring jobs in London and find myself looking instead at TEFL teaching English abroad jobs, or even jobs in America. I have also been having anxiety about moving back to London, because life there is difficult and stressful. It is also a lot harder to find a job in a country of which you are not a citizen, and this facet is also stressing me out.
I have always wanted to visit/live in Japan and now I’m a graduate I could go teach English in Japan for this school year. But.. that would likely mean breaking it off with my boyfriend. Let me be clear, I don’t want to end things with him. I adore him; he’s an angel, but I also am at a point in my life where I would like to explore alternate career paths and am not really sure what I want to do. I am applying for boring sales/recruiting jobs in London essentially just to be with him, because if I don’t find a professional job there I can’t be in the country long-term. And this is making me kind of angry with him and resentful.
So, wise people with more life experience than me, what should I do? I am seriously considering breaking up with my boyfriend this weekend because the distance is getting to be too much to bear, and I am starting to get really depressed living at my parents’ house. I would really hope that we could get back together someday, but I know that if I break up with him, I may hurt him too much for him to ever forgive me. I do think that sometimes you have to be a bit selfish though to make yourself happy so that relationships can flourish.
Thank you for reading! Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
August 16, 2014 at 11:49 am #63505
Big blueParticipantHi Cami,
You posted in Work not Relationships. Hmm.
What about something between full-time physically together and total separation as in ‘we’re done’? This would allow you to pursue your career and travel now.
If instead of directly announcing your breakup, you talk about your goals with him, how might that work?
Big blue
August 16, 2014 at 2:23 pm #63509
MattParticipantCami,
If you’re feeling a pull toward teaching English, or hitting the wide open road and seeing what happens, its not selfish. Consider having a heartfelt conversation with him about how the sky is calling you. It may sadden him, but a loving heart doesn’t wish to clip wings, even if it means living without you, waiting, or moving himself. Said differently, why is it London or bust? Why is that all on your shoulders? That’s not fair. He’s a big boy, and can buy some suitcases if it means that much to him. Talk it out, and just remember… if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t!
With warmth,
Matt -
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