moving on is painful

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  jon kirkham 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    I broke up with my ex in March this year, I was unhappy and the relationship was no longer working at that moment in time (I had depression). We kept in contact sometimes but it always ended in tears so we decided to have a clean break. I moved away to a new city for uni and instantly fell in love with the city and became busy settling in. I still thought of him, he is my first love and it hurts so much. I contacted him at Xmas and he was delighted to hear from me. Wished him a happy new year also and we spoke for a few days until today I rang him & told him I miss him so much & I wish things could work out. When we talk I enjoy it but also feel slightly uncomfortable, like on edge. He told me he loves me and wants it to work but he also wants me to be happy and enjoy life. I do feel like I need to move on but it is so painful letting go of him, he was my bestfriend and a truly amazing person. I’m scared of regretting not trying again with him, but I also feel trying again could bring pain. So I feel very torn and unsure. I need some advice and guidance on letting go and what to do in this situation. I’ve spent all day crying because it all hurts so much.
    thank you all in advance x


    jon kirkham

    I will introduce myself and my current circumstance to see if my advice will actually help you. Firstly I lost the love of my life in 2014. I was involved in an accident where I incurred a brain injury. I was in a coma for 10days and then went through amnesia for 10 days. She had only ever had 1 partner before me, and he destroyed her heart. He was depressive and very selfish. Yet she persevered. He ended up leaving her, with their son to raise by herself. She endured great turmoil and still continued with life and making the best out of it for her son. So when this happens, we had only been together for a few months. But love was very much there. She opened not just my heart but my mind also. And this accident happens where nobody knows what is going to happen. The oath I was on was filled with an extrmely large barrier. And she felt like her heart had been broken again. She didn’t have the strength to be there for me. She felt bad for it after a year of being apart. But we started talking again and she could see that I wasn’t too far gone. And inhad learned a great deal in terms of appreciating life and still persevering with developing and furthering myself. And Buddhism is 1 of my new found lights in this life. She came back to me at the start of 2015. It was our 1 year anniversary today. But I’m emotionally distorted and I find it difficult to say the least seperating from the cloud my emotions form. Causing me to block out all of the positives. She is the best woman I’ve ever had the luck of knowing. She has such a big heart and is very clever is more than aware of every aspect in me. See’s the broader picture of me, herself, and our life’s. She can process quicker than any other clever person ive ever known. And the inner beauty that emanates from inside makes her more beautiful externally. And she has me feeling in love with this life we lead. No longer hating or being angry for my upbringing and choices that all combined lead me to some incredibly dark and bleak and narrow places.

    Basically this woman gives me a reason and meaning behind why I continue to persevere. It’s all good seeking that path for 1self. But sharing and exloring with another is far better. So if this ex of yours is close to this, then yes it is more than worth another try. But be together in person and talk about the extent of it. Because also feelings of love isn’t enough in itself. Similar interests obviously help. But having your indpendence also helps and is essential. You share life, you don’t live life through 1 of you. When time moves forward in a relationship it really does help if you both move forward together as well. We change as time changes. But if that love remains but also grows with the way we all grow as we go through life and the experiences we learn from.

    It isn’t a simple answer that can be given by any outsider. You need to be together and work it out together. Don’t build hopes without all of the facts. Your individual life’s and how you are as individuals need to be looked at thoroughly. Otherwise it could be painful. Some people say chase your heart. Some say if it is meant to be, then it just will be. It’s more than just complex when concerning emotions and feelings. But asking for advice is alsoways a good way. Analysing other peoples opinions and perspectives to work out what works for you.

    I hope this helps. Either way you’re not alone when it comes to seeking love and wanting to get it right

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