Dear Andy:

As far as what happened, you wrote that you were busy working and going to school so you had less time to spend with her. You separated, and she became involved with another guy, someone she paid attention to, as a potential boyfriend, before, maybe. She consistently moved on, giving you no double messages but you remained attached to her, not here nor there- separated but not quite. It took you time to get it, that it was over so your “spiraling downward” in sadness and despair of having a four year relationship end, that despair was delayed until very recently when it is finally sinking in.

So as it is sinking in, you are finally feeling it more… and more. I think it is finally registering with you, that indeed it is over.

Delayed reaction, is what I think.

It was a serious relationship. At 20 to have had a 4 year old relationship is a heavy duty thing. So it is going to take some time to grieve it. You just started… Over time, while you let your feelings be (not repress, not push down) and as you take care of yourself (walks in nature, reach out to good people, etc.)it will get better; you will feel better over time. And finally you too will be ready for your next, most loving and exciting future relationship.

If it helps you to post here, as part of your grieving process, please do and i for one, will reply every time.

anita

Andy,

Reading your post touched my heart and makes me sad for you.

Forgive me as i’m still learning to reply correctly on these forums, It seems that I don’t do well at getting back to everyone on here but I try and do the best I can. Maybe this is not for me, since I can’t seem to get to everybody as the forum gets jumbled and flooded really quickly by the time I sign on.

Anyway, Even if you were trying to win her over or get a reaction, there’s nothing wrong with that since you genuinely love her a lot and have spent years knowing her and being with her. That is your authentic self and if anybody judges you otherwise, they are wrong. You have every right to reach out to the woman you love. I get the photography part since, I get somewhat afraid to post a picture with me and another female friend because I don’t want to give my future wife the wrong idea that I’m cheating, flaunting/showing off. That’s not and has never been my motive. I only do it to celebrate my healthy friendships with people. I feel that’s it is really messed up that she started dating someone else a week later. I hope she is mature enough to sit down and talk to you about all this. It’s only fair, since you are hurting so much. Which is completely normal and understandable when you love someone so much, like you do her.

I will say that if she can’t even consider your feelings by sitting down with you somewhere, where the two of you can talk, then that just goes to show how immature and heartless she is and you don’t deserve that. Nobody does. A good woman communicates (whether it’s over in her mind or not) the healthy thing to do is sit down and at least talk. I obviously don’t know her but I hope you can get in touch with her. Let us know how you are doing. Anita will be of great assistance to you, like she has been. She’s better at keeping up with everyone on here, than I am.

Sending you a bunch of love, positivity and light your way.

M.

Ok,

Well, She’s not worth it then and somebody in the future who is better than her will come along and love you, treat you right.

If you happen to run into her in the near future, how do you think you will react?

I don’t understand it either because I still love my girl and it will be 7 years in September. If I saw my girl in public I would give her the biggest hug and tell her how much I’ve missed her. That’s just who I am anyway but I understand that you are mad and hurt. I know how you feel. If that happened to me, I’d move one. If my girl shuts me out like that, then I guess it’s the end and it’s her loss and not mine that she let someone who’s faithful, loving and honest go after all these years. I’d have to hurt for awhile and move on without her. Wishing her all the best.