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My anxiety is ruining my relationship please help

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  • #197413
    Rhys
    Participant

    So I’ve been dating my SO for three years now it’s had ups and downs but we’ve always pulled through. But now I’ve been diagnosed with serious anxiety and depression but I’m being refused medication, and this is causing havoc with my relationship as we’ve always had a fairly long distance relationship but now she is doing A levls and going to uni she hasnt got much time (which is fair enough) but her work and her friends seem to come before me and we don’t do anything ‘cute’ anymore and it feels like she doesn’t want to be with me as I have massive anxiety or panic attacks when she goes out clubbing with her friends (who are not nice) and it’s ruining everything she doesn’t want to move in when she goes to uni now and I just don’t know what to do so someone please try and help

    #197449
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rhys:

    Your girlfriend goes clubbing with her friends- that would make almost any man anxious, even one without significant anxiety prior. Don’t you think?

    What thoughts occur in your mind when she is out clubbing (how often does she?)

    anita

    #197507
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Rhys

    Its normal in relationships to worry and experience jealousy… That said the anxiety and panic attacks are your ways of coping with uncertainty, worry and concern. From that perspective the attacks are not connected to your relationship.

    The first task then is not to ‘fix’ your relationship but to find a better method of coping with uncertainty, worry and concern. These issues belong to you so be mindful if you start to project them onto your partner. For example, giving your power away by making your partner responsible for your feelings.

    If you can try to find a way to create some space where you can ‘detach’ yourself from the experience of panic – as in not attach your sense of ‘I’ to the experience/emotions. (you are not your experiences or your emotions or your relationship…) Here you feel what you feel without becoming what you feel – a difference between ‘I feel sad’ and ‘I am sad’

    By ‘detaching’ your sense of ‘I’ from the experience and emotions you will be better able to de-escalate the anxiety creating the space where you can better deal with the concerns you may have about your relationship .

     

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