Dear Brian, thank you for your reply. Indeed the words seem harsh but true to preserve my own happiness.

Dear Anita, thank you for trying to understand. I will tell exactly what i said, I believe I have snapped, and if my attitude wasn’t correct, please do tell.
on a tuesday, we both knew we liked the same person but weren’t going to make a move, both of us thought he had a Relationship according to a girl.
Wednesday I didn’t come, I was sick, she went to the gym.
The next day I was talking to her and said: listen i wish to keep some distance with the guy to let go of the “crush feeling”, so we could train in the room for ladies.
She then replied well it’s going to be difficult, because we decided to date.

I felt a warmth rush to my face, heart pounding and was dissapointed. I wrote if she was serious? that she had said she wouldn’t try anything, so this means i was going to be a third Wheel and have to wait for my turn before she would talk to me because now that he’s the boyfriend, all of the attention would be focused on him, we wouldn’t be able to have our fun together, because we can’t talk about certain stuff with him between us. I will feel like a weight. ( i want to say that with her former boyfriend, we went once all three together, and i never felt so ashamed because they were only focused on each other and i was there trying to eat, trying to have a conversation for three, but they would quickly revert back to each other. Ii thought it would have been better if i wasnt there at all).

She said she wouldn’t do that, that she would give us equal time ( i replied “i know that you’ll give him more time which is understandable” but i don’t want to be erased)

She thought I didn’t want her to date him, when i actually was dissapointed that she had said she wouldn’t do anything but in the end did jump on the occasion to date him.

Afterwards, we didn’t speak for two weeks ( mostly from her side ) i tried to get to her and said i was sorry for snapping but she wouldn’t have it. In the end she realised she had misunderstood my words ( she thought i didn’t want her to date him, while all i feared was to be pushed away like i’m no longer of use as a friend, the boyfriend is enough )

The thing is after that, the boyfriend (who was my coach) stopped coaching me and speaking to me. He ignored me in front of everyone ( which i found unprofessional but didn’t react) however I did say to my best friend listen i don’t know why but he’s being quite rude with me. she reacted like I was a bad person and didn’t do anything to tell him to stop doing that since we were friends again.
I know that if he was my boyfriend and started acting like that to her, I would tell him to stop the attitude, that it’s a case between her and me, and now that it’s fixed, there is no reason to be so rude. Yet she didn’t care, and from there, like I told above, she started talking less, giving me less attention, more focused on chatting with him on the phone while he was eating in the room next to us.

Dear Anita,

Indeed you are right. I was hurt in the past (always bullied at school). The anxiety and depression are part of what resulted and also because I was bullied at work and had too pressure on my shoulders.
My previous best friend was almost the same case, always chatting, laughing, meeting up until the boyfriend appeared, I wasn’t that important anymore but also used as an excuse to secretly meet him ( her parents trusted me and so each time she came to see me, we HAD to go to a coffee shop so they could spend their time together, leaving me to wait for them to finish ). Later on, i let go of her, saying I was not a toy, or some option to use so she could meet up with her boyfriends.

Afterwards, I met the latter friend ( which I will call J ) when I got to meet her, we had a lot in commun, I met her through mutual friends from school, we had same taste in a lot of things.
For the meeting with the first boyfriend, it wasn’t my idea because I thought she would want to spend her birhtday with her boyfriend ( which I understand), but she invited me too. I saw it as a chance to know him better and maybe developp some sort of friendship, sadly it turned out like I mentioned above.
I had in the mean time learned to accept that there had to be space for the boyfriend. When he dumped her, she literally began talking to me everyday, wanting to meet every weekend, making projects of travelling abroad, working together..which afterwards I began to believe.

Yet once again, a new boyfriend appeared, and all our projects are no longer that important, plus the lies that I discovered recently.

I have learned with time to enjoy my own company, however, I am not ok with being lied to, or being the best friend of someone and afterwards being thrown away because a man appeared in the friend’s life. I have thankfully other friends that aren’t like that, with their Partner/fiance or even husband/wife, but it does hurt when it comes from the best friend who says” i give attention to both, i hate girls who abandon their best friend for a man”
I have had my bit of love, and did learn to give attention to both sides, I would never chose to throw her for him ( she was there before him )
I spoke to some friends about this, and learned that I should never trust someone 100%, never expect the same treatment I give to others and letting go when it’s time to let go.

Dear Anita,

Thank you very much for your reply.

The old wounds ( from bullying have already healed, I have forgiven those people and even met them recently)
For the female friends, I have also met girls that went from single to engaged, but they never changed their attitude, despite giving more time to their partners which I fully understand ( after all having a Partner is different than a friend), there was always a time for friends, which I cherish a lot.
But the new wound will need some time to heal. I just can’t understand how people can in one night choose to ignore someone like a stranger. If it went gradually and that we grew apart, it would have been ok, but a sudden rupture is alas a bit of a hard blow to me.