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My best friend talks about herself all the time

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  • #360851
    Emma
    Participant

    Hi there!

    I have a best friend that I love so much. Let’s call her Tina. We’ve been best friends since high school and she has been there for me always. The only problem is that whenever I want to talk to her about something that concerns me, she would always turn the subject to herself, or even worse change the subject to something that concerns her instead. Most of the times she won’t listen to me if I don’t ask for it specifically.

    A good friend of mine noticed that as well. They saw each other somewhere after a long time and Tina asked her how she was doing and before she even began to respond, Tina started talking about herself and her boyfriend out of nowhere.

    Recently that phenomenon has become worse. Tina would interrupt me to tell me about herself or her boyfriend. The world for her is herself and her boyfriend.

    And the fact that the only thing she cares about is her boyfriend seems unnatural to me. When I mention that she is too attached to her boyfriend, she tells me that they missed each other while she was abroad studying and now she is back home she makes up for the time, but I think now they got to the point that it’s unhealthy.

     

    It bothers/frustrates me a lot, not just because I sometimes feel that my feelings dont matter, but also because I cannot have a normal/smooth conversation with her. It feels like a real communication issue for me.

     

    How can I talk to her about that issue without upsetting her or intervene to her life?

    #360881
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Emma:

    I will read and reply to you when I am back to the computer in about 12 hours from now. I hope other members reply to you before (and after) I return to you.

    anita

    #360925
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Emma:

    “whenever I want to talk to her about something that concerns me, she would always turn the subject to herself.. Most of the times she won’t listen to me if I don’t ask for it specifically… Tina asked her how she was doing and before she even began to respond, Tina started talking about herself and her boyfriend out of nowhere. Recently that phenomenon has become worse. Tina would interrupt me to tell me about herself and her boyfriend”-

    – This is how I understand what is happening with Tina: you know that thoughts often occur to you during your waking hours, sometimes an ongoing conversation taking place in your head?

    In Tina’s case the thoughts and conversations in her head are frequent and loud, so much so, that she can’t hear real conversations in the here-and-now. She asked her friend how the friend was doing, the friend started talking, but so did the thoughts/ voices in Tina’s brain.. she was thinking about herself and her boyfriend, what he said, what she said, what he may be doing now, what she should tell him next, and so on and on and on.

    When she is not with her boyfriend, she is thinking about him, she remembers what happened and she thinks about what will happen next, being focused therefore on the there and then (past and future), and not availing herself to the here-and-now.

    Was she more relaxed and present before she entered the relationship with her boyfriend, and did she tell you of what makes her so anxious regarding her relationship?

    anita

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