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My ex and I – Where is this going?

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  • #87111
    takeflight
    Participant

    Hi all, it’s my first time posting on this forum.
    My ex broke up with me about 8 months ago. I won’t go too much into detail about it but it’s due to us quarrelling over communication issues, I was complaining a lot and I guess all that has left him feeling depleted of energy. He was also having problems at work.
    I took these 8 months identifying and addressing my issues, working on myself to become a better person. I’m also considering a career change.
    Throughout these times I’ve been keeping in contact with my ex. I’ve cried and begged in the first 2 months, he didn’t cave in but bought me a present while on his holiday, which he still hasn’t given it to me. I went no contact for the next month. After the break up he changed his profile picture to something not related to us. He never liked any of my post on social media.
    I started to reach out to him slowly after that, initiating contact every 2 weeks. Our conversations were rather neutral, with some positives in between. Last month, things seem to be taking a positive turn. He liked my post about making positive changes on social media, he changed his profile picture to a scenery picture we took while on our holiday. He started to respond more, and we even had sexting sessions. I increased the frequency of our contact and it seems quite alright.
    But I got greedy and asked him out. He did not reject, but put it on hold, said he’s busy nowadays, and ignored my text when I suggested another day. I guess he’s not ready to meet me yet. I have this feeling that he still loves me but he needed space and time to think. I feel that things are getting better on the overall, but I still can’t help but to worry about whether there is a second chance for us. I know I’m feeling afraid of getting hurt or rejected again. Why does he not want to meet me? Am I going too fast for him? Is he still confused about us?
    On the other hand, sometimes I worry about whether I’m making the right decision trying to get him back. I’m also in a very confused state of mind. What should I do? Should I slow down and reach out to him again after a while? Or should I be honest with him about my feelings and the changes I made, and that I would like to have a second chance?
    Sorry for the long story. I feel slightly better after typing this out.

    #87112
    Anyone
    Participant

    Dear takeflight123,

    Give him some time and frame all the questions you might want to know. Try and get the answers from him.

    A quote that might help: ‘Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it’.

    Based on the kind of answers you get from him, you’ll know where it’s headed. You can later take a call on what to do.

    Sending love and light..

    #87117
    DrCheour
    Participant

    Dear takeflight123,

    I think that you already have the answers. It was your ex who ended the relationship. He does not have time to see you. He does not initiate contacts with you. When you took the one month break, did he try to contact you? Using a scenery picture that you took on your vacation as a profile picture does not mean that he chose it because he is thinking about you. I know it hurts, and my heart goes out for you, but it is time for you to move on. Love yourself enough to find someone who loves you back. When you find someone who loves you, you really don’t have to ask yourself whether he loves you back. You know it.

    Wishing you all the best in your journey.

    #87163
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear takeflight123:

    What happened happened and you cannot reverse the clock. All that is relevant now is that you got to a place that is not good for you with this guy, a place of begging, a place of trying to win him over while you are not even sure that you want that. It is not a good place to be in and it is a situation that is very unlikely to bring you good results. So take flight from this undesirable situation- stop chasing him; stop trying to prove to him you changed in the ways you think will bring him back. Let him go and really change in the ways that will bring YOU back to yourself. Meaning, move from focusing on him to focusing on yourself.

    anita

    #87199
    Este
    Participant

    Hello takeflight123!

    I will be completely honest here with this question – How much do the both of you value this relationship?

    Think about it and be real naked honest. That will give you the answer to your topic question.

    Om.

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