Dear Daliya,

You wrote about finding it difficult to put together words of support. Maybe what would be useful is not words of support but supportive actions like helping with day to day tasks or giving company for appointments or taking care of any other details that you can for him.

What is the type of communication that you had with him before? Is it reasonable to continue a similar kind of communication given the changed situation. You can have a word with your mother about what he communicates with her. That too can give you leads on what you can do.

That’s wonderful advice, however he moved to a different state.

I have sent him cards, ones that brighten up his day.  The only type of communication we have is over the phone.

He is an alcoholic, which makes matters worse because this is a whole different ball game.

He has been drinking, his doctors can’t give him chemo when he has been drinking.

He uses alcohol to deal with the pain, mentally and physically.  He has been hospitalized at least 5 times because he gets drunk to the point of unconsciousness.

A couple months ago he got married to a woman from a different country, she doesn’t understand the severity of his alcoholism.

It’s a very sad situation, he has a feeding tube, when he talked to my mom yesterday he kept telling her that he can’t wait to come up here and have her make Italian food for him.

It’s such a sad situation.

Hi Anita,

We have spoke before, thank you for listening, I didn’t mean to stop writing to you.

I found out about my friends cancer shortly after that.  I was in such shock that I didn’t want to think about my friend so I only talked to my mom and his sister about the situation.

I wasn’t ready to share my feelings with anybody but them.