Dear Saheb:

I imagine that you feel very badly for falling in love deeply with this girl, being so excited about her telling you that she loved you.. only for her to take her words back.

“I had a first visit to her town”- did she tell you that she loved you before you ever met in real life, and then when she met you in-person for the first time, she had a change of mind/ heart?

anita

Dear Saheb:

I will be back to your thread, read and reply in about nine hours from now.

anita

Dear Saheb:

This is all the information I have based on your two short posts:

You talked to a young woman on the phone for three months, a woman you never met in-person. For three months you talked about what you wanted for the future: family, kids and career. On the phone she told you that she loved you. And on the phone, you fell in love with her.

After three months of talking on the phone, you “decided to meet her for the first time”, but because you were impatient, you either didn’t tell her that you were about to arrive at her town on a particular day and time, or you didn’t tell her that you were about to arrive at the office where she worked.

When you showed up at her place of work, “she hated that”. But later on that night, “she fed me my dinner, loved me, and we were walking hand to hand on streets”. No plan was made for the next day.

The next day, the two of you met late in the day, and “she was angry and she lost her calm till the point she decided to end this”, saying she doesn’t have hatred for you, it’s just that she doesn’t want a relationship with you”. You kept asking her for another chance, “but she said, we will be in touch”.

My thoughts today: I can see lack of effective communication between the two of you:

1. You failed to communicate to her that you planned to visit her town on a particular day and time, or that you planned to visit her at her workplace on that day. If you told her about your visit, she would have had the opportunity to tell you that she doesn’t want you to visit her place of work, and to prepare for your visit otherwise.

2. Although you communicated about your respective futures, “family, kids and career”, I don’t think that you communicated well about who each person is and what to expect from each other when you meet. Therefore when you met, she was unpleasantly surprised that you chose to go to her office unannounced, and maybe she was surprised that you didn’t have plans for your second day in town, maybe she was surprised and disappointed about other things she expected you to do, but you didn’t.

Maybe she expected you to bring her a gift, maybe she expected you to have a plan for the second day, and take her out to a restaurant for breakfast; maybe after the nice evening you had, holding hands and loving, she waited and waited for you to contact her the next day, getting angrier and angrier, and when you finally contacted her, she was very angry.

Does any of this reads like a possibility, to you?

anita

Dear Saheb:

She was not surprised then that you were in her town, but she was surprised that you visited her in her workplace, “she hated that”, you wrote.

Can you tell me what she said at that time, when you visited her workplace: did she say why she hated it that you arrived at her workplace?

And when she was angry at you the second day, when you met late on that day- did she say why she was angry at you?

anita