Aisha I am truly sorry that you and your family have to be exposed to this. My question is, how is it that you and your family so close to your g’mother? Do you all live together?

All too often people believe that just because people are related, such as biological brothers and sisters, grandparents, parents, etc, that relationship is a requirement to tolerate emotional abuse. Emotional abuse, no matter who it comes from, is totally unacceptable. So because she is your g’mother, and your mom’s mother, absolutely does not obligate you to be the beneficiary of emotional abuse. In caving in to her manipulation through emotional abuse only strengthens her will to use it over and over again. She does this only because of the approval of others. That approval comes in the form of complying to her ever present threat of emotional and verbal abuse.

I’ll spare you a lengthy opinion and say this. Now is a good time to let her know that under no circumstances will you no longer tolerate her verbal abuse. She needs to let go of her antiquated and unacceptable ways of addressing her granddaughter and the family. I doubt she will do this. But standing your ground, demanding that she has two choices: either talk to you in a respectful manner or not at all, doing this will put her on notice that you are a human being first and foremost and by virtue of that you deserve to be treated in a respectful manner. Doing this will also empower you to regain your sense of self respect and dignity. Realize that in doing this, she will still be your g’mom.

We are all here for you Aisha.

Pearce

Hi Aisha…not only is it important to respect elders, it is equally important to respect all people. That includes people respecting you. Respect is something that you should never have to beg for. Unfortunately there are people that feel superior over others and because of that they believe they do not have to show respect. I also believe that some people fear or are intimidated by showing respect. An example is, where I work, there are some who are intimidated by showing respect for junior employees. It is like someone thinking, “I don’t have to give you respect. You’re younger than me.” Another one I have noticed is, “I don’t have to show you respect because I have worked here much longer than you.” When people do not give you the respect you deserve, know that it is a weakness they have. I hope that very soon you have no more distractions with people affecting your studies. I know that over time you will have learned to deal with this in such a way that your studies won’t be affected. When you want to speak, I will listen.

Pearce