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My heart ache is too much to bare

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  christina 6 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #38654

    Elizabeth Roybal
    Participant

    I had been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and he just decided two weeks ago that it was over. We had problems just like any other relationship. He had a career that took up a lot of his time and he did the best that he could to spend time with me. Recently he’s parents are splitting up after like 30 years of marriage and it devastated him. Then he just broke up with me. He said that I was the only thing that made him happy and that he wasn’t happy any where else. That he had never had someone love him as much as I did. Now he is moving away. We talked about moving together. Now it’s just over. I am so heart broken. I truly loved this man. I am just so lost, no appetite, my stomach is so angry with me because all of the negative emotions. My heart wants to hold on to hope he will come back to me. Is that foolish to think? I can’t even trust myself anymore with all these crazy feelings. I am so depressed and sad. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. My health is poor, I feel weak, I am a complete mess. I need to stop contacting him. I sound like a crazy person. I just need some kind words from you guys or anything any advice is welcomed.

    #38665

    Jamie
    Participant

    Hello Elizabeth,

    I know you don’t know me, but just three months ago after being with the love of my life for a year and a half we ended it. For the last three months I have been suicidal, depressed, major anxiety, big break downs, a few trips to the ER several therapy sessions and support groups. I still am so heart broken and depressed because I was and am still so in love with a man who really wasn’t who he was. I was just like you driving myself crazy. I have lost 25 pounds since April, and I could not leave him alone. Just last week I decided that if I want to get happy, feel better, and have a better life I have to cut ties entirely. I know you think it is so tough to imagine your life without this man, but you can live without him! YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! You’re special just the way you are! What you are feeling after this break up isn’t wrong. It is tough to let go of someone who was apart of your every day life, but my recommendation is to lose his number and move on without him. Hope is nice, but why hold on? Sometimes people grow apart and sometimes people set people they love free because of their own personal issues. For your own health and mental state it is better to forget him and surround yourself with people who love you and don’t be so hard on yourself! The break up isn’t all your fault. You have to see both sides and forgive yourself and forgive him. It gets better. And I know it is easier said than done, but how you are feeling now is going to make you stronger later. I promise.

    #38676

    Matt
    Participant

    Elizabeth,

    I’m sorry for your breakup, and feel sympathies for you. My teacher said that when we go through big emotional challenges, we do best when we give them space. Said differently, you sound like you’re grieving and could use some nurturing.

    Consider engaging in activities that you find pleasing. Hang out with trusted friends, take a bath, go for a nature walk. The heart has a difficult time letting go, and with relationships the mind keeps feeding it false hope with “maybe he’ll come back”. Even if he did, it won’t be the same. Said differently, when he ended it with you, a wound opened that needs to heal before you can move on.

    Pema Chodron has a great book “When Things Fall Apart” which is great at helping pick up the pieces.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #38681

    E
    Participant

    Matt is so awesome with the advice he gives…it’s given me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel…don’t hinder your health or self esteem because in the end you are worth a lot more than you are probably giving yourself credit for. I too am going through something similar and believe me it has been tough and I’m so introverted that its hard for me to move on because I really don’t have too many friends. ,if you do have friends talk with them and get that support system going. You as we’ll as the rest of us need to love ourselves and remember that before these men we were strong, assertive, independent and happy. I’m still struggling but I have always made it through the struggles and obstacles,life has thrown at me and you can too. You just need to believe in yourself…if you need to talk please contact me anytime. Even if its just to vent

    #38737

    Elizabeth Roybal
    Participant

    Thank you guys. This is hard, but you guys are right it just wasn’t meant to be. I have been hurt by people for too long. My soul just wants to find love and hope and heal itself. I have to be the one to so that for it. Life is such a strange thing. I know I haven’t lived much but I have seen enough to know how cold things can be. But thanks to people like yourself who took the time to give me advice and hear my story makes it worth it. Sometimes it takes someone ripping your heart out to see how many others do want to see you happy and do see you get better. I hope many abundances of positive things for you guys. It’s time to let things go that don’t serve a purpose any more.

    #38753

    christina
    Participant

    Hi Elizabeth,

    In May, two weeks before my 15 year anniversary, the love of my life left me and our five year old daughter for a married woman, who has three kids, and who is now currently pregnant with the love of my life’s baby, he has been with her 4 months and she is 3 1/2 months pregnant. I have anxiety attacks every single day, and have begged for him to come home.

    It DOES get easier, i only cried twice yesterday, and I have a great support system of friends and family. I have to see him every day because of our custody arrangement, so every day my heart breaks again. Just do things that make you happy, and you will find yourself smiling a little more every day.

    good luck

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