Hi all 🙂

I was wondering if anyone was in the same boat as me! I’ve always been an outgoing, assertive, pretty social girl. I have no problem chatting up strangers or making new friends, even guys. But if I like someone, I shut down.

I’m not turning 25 and I’ve been happily single for 5 years, I was not emotionally involved in my last relationship, or in any of them in the past. I am too afraid to talk to anyone I fall for, so I just used to date and chat up guys I did not (really) like. It’s making me a little sad thinking about the fact that I’ve never been with someone that I was in love with.

People normally tell me that I always seem very confident, and they do not expect me to be shy or nervous when It comes to asking someone out, or even talking to someone I like. They are completely surprised when I tell them that I’m too afraid to talk to guys, and that I have not been on a date for so long. Just because I’m outgoing, loud and social, does not mean I am confident when it comes to dating, that is just my personality.

Dating is so hard, so I just kinda gave up on it. Since my last relationship I started uni, made a bunch of new friends, moved to a great city, and started my own company, traveled on my own, and I’ve been really happy and outgoing, being independent. But lately I’ve been feeling like something is missing and I’m always busy dismissing it.

In june I met this guy through some friends of mine, and he’s great but really quiet. He’s not the kind of guy that dates or flirts with girls really. And I’m not the kind of girl that would ask someone out and be assertive like that to someone I really like, and this ALWAYS happens because I always fall for these type of guys haha.

I’ve seen him a couple of times when I was hanging out with my friends, they would call him to come over because they of course knew I liked him, but every time I was with him nothing happened. He did not seem aloof or disinterested, he was very kind and we talked a lot, but I am the one starting all the conversations, even on Facebook. My friends say I should not worry about this, because this is just him. There were other guy friends of mine too, we were sitting in a bar. I found myself way more social and outgoing with them, because it was just so much easier, and maybe I am giving off the wrong impression to the guy as well.

But I’m terrified of asking him out, because I’m afraid he might say yes to be polite because he’s shy. I’m afraid that it will be awkward, or that he’ll find me weird or desperate. Maybe I’m too loud, or ugly or too stupid. Maybe I waited too long, or maybe it’s too soon. I just can’t seem to find the courage to ask him well, anything. I mean if he liked me, I would have already known? I wish I knew how to stop driving myself nuts, every time I like someone I tear myself down.

To make things more confusing, I made a really great friend at a party. We both talked about this guy we both liked, later it turns out that we are both talking about the same guy, what are the odds! right…? We both laughed it off and I told her that If she liked him, she should ask him out and not worry about me. Well that’s a total lie haha. And oh boy she is so pretty! Even the girl told me that, she did not understand me being too shy to talk to him, because she said that I seemed so confident.

In the end, when this happens I always find myself waiting and waiting and nothing happens, we stop talking and I move on regretting every missed chance. Sitting at home with my cat and eating pizza is so much easier, I wish I knew how to change and take some risks, but I’ve been trying to change this well, my whole life it seems. I find myself withdrawing more and more from this stuff, and I don’t know how to change. I wish I was as confident as people perceive me to be!

Wow this post turned out to be way longer that I thought it would! Thanks to anyone who took the time to read it 🙂 It already helps me getting it of my chest by writing it down. I hope that I will look at this post in the future and not recognize myself in it anymore.