January 9, 2020 at 12:45 am #332219ElliRParticipant
thank you for writing these above, means a lot to me hence a second thoughts always help me to proceed and exceed my problems.
I would like to share with you that 2019 was a year of risks. I will explain that more.
First of all I found a new job in a different city of the one I stayed now. my salary earnings is not too high but I am feeling good that I am independently person and I manage to make savings something that I have never do before in previous jobs. except of that during the psychological session I tried to exceed my fear and move to an appartment and I did it. in the meantime the friends I had they disappear because they met other friends from their jobs and I stayed alone. I was in a 12 months period alone, lets exclude the times at job, in my free time I was alone. and then I just started becoming crazy. I was bored to gym, to spend anyway all the time on my own. it is not that I am not have a good time with my self but I needed and a friend company. so in that point of my life I started going back to home and spend some time with my parents, aunties etc.
mid of June, I started learning swimming for first time and then starting sewing for first time too. I participated in an art festival on September, was very exhausted but I gave my self the chance to try and make something new. it was a great experience that I will manage to continue.
now regarding my parents relationship, I recognise the effect that my mother had on me and believe me until today, I am trying to set boundaries to her about my choices.
I noticed that even though I saying a lot of times the word married etc is because yes of my thoughts of being unsuccessful in that part. that yes I will make poor choices and yes to be again the girl who make all the things wrong. I want to think positive, that is nothing wrong with me but I recognise as well that I am not having a person near me to remind me those things. I am trying everyday to stop second thoughts of a girl that cannot find a man. and here I want to say that is nothing to do with confidence levels because I have confidence and I believe to my self. I just need a motivator, a person to remind me the simple things in life and the hope that everything will be alright.
hope these make sense.
elliJanuary 9, 2020 at 9:36 am #332285anitaParticipant
(or do you prefer elli?)
You are welcome. You shared your 2019 accomplishments: finding a new job where you earn enough money to be able to save some for the first time in your work history, you lived away from your parents in your own apartment, went to the gym, learned to swim, started sewing, participated in an art festival in September-
– excellent accomplishments, from saving money, to living on your own and on, to experimenting with things for the first time in your life (swimming, sewing)!
“I want to think positive, that is nothing wrong with me but I recognize as well that I am not having a person near me to remind me of those things.. I just need a motivator”-
– you can list a few positive affirmations on a piece of paper, carry a copy of this paper in your purse, have it anywhere you go, and have a copy by your bed. Every so often, read those affirmations. Take advantage of times when you feel calm, before sleep maybe, and read these affirmations in a meditative way, calm and slow.
Example of an affirmations: I can make good choices. There is nothing wrong with me. I can find a good man to marry. But thing is: you have to come up with the words for your affirmations yourself, they must feel right to you.
Also, you only have to believe a bit in each affirmation. For example: “I can find a good man to marry”- I assume you will have doubts when you say it, at least sometimes. And that is okay. The purpose of the affirmations is to introduce to your brain a new belief, a new possibility of what may be true.
If you want, you are welcome to list your chosen affirmations here and I can give you my thoughts about them.
You shared about your loneliness this past year, something I can relate to because I was very lonely a whole lot of my life. As the social animals we are born to be, it really does make a person crazy to be alone for too long (“I just started becoming crazy”).
“it is not that I am not have a good time with my self but I need and a friend company”- it is impossible for a person to be content without company for too long because we are social animals. No matter how much you enjoy time alone, once in a while, you need company. We all do.
Please do post here anytime you want to, and I will be glad to remind you that indeed, there is nothing wrong with you, that you are capable of making good choices (and already made many of those!) and so forth.