My life is so empty.. no real friends no real love.

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.

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April 12, 2016 at 9:50 pm #101687

andrew luc
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I finished high school almost a year ago and my “best friends” were so not present and we talked like once in 2 weeks and I always wanted to just have one group of friends that id stick with for a long time and even recently in college I socialized so much yet nothing good came out of this. People were blend and only answered back and never made the effort to keep the conversation going like I did. Like where the hell am I supposed to make real new friends? I had some three years ago but they all abandonned me and went seperate ways. About love. Ive built a deep relation with a girl I very was fond of and after all this time she decided to go out with a random dude she met in a random night, such a waste of time! I see all my other friends having their own friends theyve been sticking with since the beggining and I have jackshit and it kills me, especially because at my age Im already supposed to have found them, Its not like if I was shy or introverted, socialize a lot! What is the right path to take after all this time wasted?

April 13, 2016 at 5:35 am #101697

Anoniem
Participant

I wish I could give you some profound answer – unfortunately I have nothing… BUT, I felt like I had to reply, because many people feel this way, I am one of them. I feel very lonely and misunderstood in this world. I think my problem is that I put my happiness in other peoples hands, when I should be responsible for my own happiness. In the end, you only have yourself. You are with you 24/7, you cant even go to the bathroom without yourself, so best start a positive relationship with yourself – that’s what I am trying to do anyway. Also, I don’t think any time was wasted. Your experience offered you very valuable lessons, and when you get through this- and you will, you will be able to help others in similar situations, because you had first hand experience with this. Stay strong Bud!

April 13, 2016 at 8:19 am #101706

Anonymous
Guest

Dear andrew luc:

You wrote that you are “supposed to have found (friends)” – I don’t like “supposed”- who decided you are supposed to .. this or that? Who makes the rules, the timetable of when you are supposed to do or have X or Y?

The friends that abandoned you, going their separate ways, did they abandon you or did they just leave to other places so to have their lives there?

The girl you were fond of and built a deep relation with, would you like to share about it: how did you build a deep relationship with her? How was it deep? What was the nature of the relationship? There might be things there to see better.

anita

April 13, 2016 at 10:51 am #101716
Vesper
Participant
Andrew Luc,

It has been many years since I left high school, but I can remember the way I felt in the years following. I would describe it as a bit like what (I imagine) it feels like to be fired out of the airlock of a spaceship into the void. Everything and everyone I’d known for the prior 12 years scattered and I spun for a while, not sure what to grab on to, missing everything familiar to me. All my old friends were off on their own adventures. Some of them I never saw again, others were too busy to keep in touch with regularity. The new friends I tried to make in college lacked the familiarity of those with whom I’d shared childhood experiences and similar backgrounds.

It turned out to be the first of many times my life was transformed by drastic change. The only advice I can give is to tell yourself, while it does suck at the moment, it won’t always feel this way. You will slowly begin to feel the next stage of your life coming together, and while it will never be the same as your old life, it will be great again. You will be happy again. You won’t even miss the old life quite so much. Keep breathing and smiling, and as Anoniem suggested above, become your own best friend. No matter who comes and goes from your life, you will always have you. Sometimes that has to be enough. Hugs. 🙂
- This reply was modified 8 years ago by Vesper.
April 13, 2016 at 11:05 am #101719

Michelle Scott
Participant

I didn’t have friends growing up, and it’s pretty hard for me to make friends because I’m not a “normal” person. Most people don’t know what to do with me. But after a few years in college, I made a few really good friends. They all went their way, as did I, but we can still consider each other as a good friend still.
I think it all matters on what you do and what you are expecting of others. Maybe you are looking at the wrong kind of people? Maybe you are expecting too much? Maybe you aren’t appreciating the people you are around for who they really are? Maybe you are putting too much pressure on others and yourself?
Also, this generation seems to be less willing to commit to hanging out because of the fear of missing out factor.
As for the girl, quite a lot are going to be like that. Not everyone can take things slow and wait forever, and not everyone has the same ideas for a relationship. Maybe you can look at what kinds of things you do while in a relationship. Are you rude sometimes? Make a lot of jokes that might be considered rude? Try to take over and control things? Maybe there was something that pushed others away.
Try to realize that what you do and how you think about it makes all the difference.

April 16, 2016 at 12:00 am #101994

andrew luc
Participant

When I said supposed, its because of the fact that I’m almost an adult, but still has no friends Id consider like my truest friends that Id stick with no matter what, and thats what I want. About the friends who left, they’re still in the city they just changed school and our friendships slowly got buried, and its sad because we went through a lot of stuff together. And lastly, the girl and I had a lot similarities and conneted very well.

April 16, 2016 at 12:03 am #101995
andrew luc
Participant
When I said supposed, its because of the fact that I’m almost an adult, but still has no friends Id consider like my truest friends that Id stick with no matter what, and thats what I want. About the friends who left, they’re still in the city they just changed school and our friendships slowly got buried, and its sad because we went through a lot of stuff together. And lastly, the girl and I had a lot similarities and conneted very well.
- This reply was modified 8 years ago by andrew luc.
April 16, 2016 at 9:20 am #102016

Anonymous
Guest

Dear andrew luc:

You are dissatisfied with your social life, your connections with friends weakened and the one with the girl is gone: why did these connections get weaker and dissipated

There are different factors to consider: people moving away or changing schools, random guy with a flashy car shows up and girl is mesmerized by car (an example, nothing more), things happening.. but there is always one factor that needs improving and that is Interpersonal Skills, your own. Just as others need to improve theirs, so do you and so do I, need to improve and keep improving these skills. The more skillful you are at interacting with others effectively, the better your social life would be: in school, at the work place, with a romantic partner, with strangers on the road, etc.

How to improve Interpersonal Skills? Through learning, practicing (experience), learning from new experiences and further experience.

You can read about those skills, and if you’d like, you can post about your interactions with any one of the people with whom you wanted to be close and it didn’t work out and as you write specifics I can then reply to the specifics and we can correspond further.

anita
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