Dear Hareesh:

What bad things are happening in your life presently?

anita

Dear Hareesh:

I read your posts from the beginning of your thread, February this year.

You started with your higher education degree being de-recognized, becoming worthless. You wrote about being born to a poor family and being unemployed. You wrote about your dreams that cannot be materialized.

You also expressed this belief: that these things happened to you because you are worthless, because god decided you are worthless and therefor you deserve for your degree to be de-recognized and to be unemployed.
You expressed a belief that god hears your suffering but lets you suffer because you are worthless and you deserve to suffer.

Reality is that millions and millions… and more millions of people, including innocent young children, babies, have suffered horrible pain throughout history and throughout the world. And many of them cried and prayed but they continued to suffer and many died early deaths. Many of the adults who suffered, cried, prayed and suffered anyway- were good people who like you, would feed a starving person. Many were bad people and many were in-between.

It doesn’t matter WHO you are and what your worth is, suffering happens to anyone, no matter who the person is. It doesn’t matter how good you are, how much you suffer and pray.

So take charge of your life, Hareesh, best you can. Nobody else is in charge of your life. Lots you can’t control, true and misfortune happened to you- but do take control of what you can, including correcting your thinking on the connection between suffering and personal worth.(You suffer not because you are unworthy).

anita

I also recommend the book ‘Learning to Fall’ by Philip Simmons for those fated to having to find the way out by going down.

Came across this Post which said what I was trying to say much better
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/permissiontolive/2012/07/learning-to-fall.html

“Learning to Fall”. I came across this idea recently and it moved me. It’s from Philip Simmon’s book called “Learning to Fall”, and it is written from his perspective as a 35 year old husband, father and teacher diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease which killed him a few years later.

It’s the first time I have ever heard of “The Fall” as anything but this evil horrible disobedience of humanity that has led to all things that are wrong with the world. But it also speaks to me on a very basic level.

I used to think that being a Christian gave me this magic out. If I just lived the “right” way, and did all the “right” things, then life would be peaceful and calm, perfect as god was perfect. Whenever life was hectic, stressful, confusing or imperfect, I thought it was my fault. I just wasn’t being close enough to God.

As time has gone on since I took a break from my perpetual hamster wheel of trying to be close enough to God to be fixed from all my imperfection, I am slowly becoming OK with the imperfect.

I am a woman with an imperfect body, imperfect parenting abilities, imperfect housekeeping abilities, and imperfect relational knowledge. But even if I managed to make all of that perfect, it would still be impossible for me to control everything else. Like death, or illness, or loss of relationship. No matter how good I got at “standing on the solid rock” life was still out of balance.

And now, I’m OK with that. I’m learning to be OK with being unsteady, putting one foot in front of the other and stopping here and there to take a breath and catch my balance. I don’t have to pretend to have it all together anymore. Sometimes I am happy, sometimes I am not. Sometimes I am confident, sometimes I am depressed. Sometimes I feel beautiful, sometimes I don’t. And that doesn’t make me a bad or deficient person. Life throws curve balls. Life changes. Life isn’t always exactly what we planned. But, life is good, even though it isn’t perfect. In fact, all kinds of things are beautiful and good without being perfect. And in learning to be OK with falling, I’ve learned to be unashamed of getting back up. I’ve learned to embrace fear.

Dear Hareesh:

Please get professional help immediately. This website does not provide the professional help required when one considers what you are considering. Call a hotline and/ or check yourself into a hospital, please.

Regarding being a failure- you failed only on the things you tried. You didn’t fail the things you didn’t try.

What I think you didn’t try is to accept yourself as you are right now; accept your life as it is now, without judgment, but with self empathy. Then take it one small step at a time on a journey for a better life.

anita