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My mother gives me the silent treatment about going out.

HomeForumsParentingMy mother gives me the silent treatment about going out.

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  • #50490
    Abbie King
    Participant

    I’m 22. living at home with my parents and my older brother. i feel like im a lodger, living in just my tiny room, and my homelife has started to become really bad. My work is the only place i feel that i belong and my boss has helped me out by trying to get me as much overtime as he can. which has been a really big help.

    I Work in the local hardware store, with Jason my best friend. we are not a couple (although other collegues keep trying to matchmake us), he is a lot older that me, but we are really close. I make him lunch most days which he really appreciates as he doesn’t cook and lives off sandwiches and pastries. I have recently started to go to the local pub with him a few nights a week. I see this as a bit of freedom from a rough home life, where i can forget about home for a few hours. i love our little pub chats as i can talk about anything with him. he gives the best hugs.

    My mother gives me the silent treatment (usually lasting a few days) whenever i mention that im going out, no matter how much notice i give, I’m always back by 10pm. It makes me feel guilty about going out. I’m not sure if it’s me going out or that i’m with Jason that makes her like this. My mother and Jason get on well with each other so i really don’t understand why she doesn’t like me drinking with him. What can i do?

    #50564
    Lovejonesss
    Participant

    Hi Abbie,

    I don’t know the relationship you have with you mom and I don’t know if communication is encouraged in your home. However, I would say to speak to your mom about this issue. You can start by asking her questions like: I am just curious, do you have an issue with me going out? Do you have an issue with me drinking? I would advise you to not be so fast in thinking its Jason she has an issue with you hanging out with, if you can try to leave his name out of the conversation. Keep the conversation based on the both of you. If the issue is you hanging out try to come to an agreement. I don’t know how many times you go out a week but if its 2x, perhaps you can suggest going out 1x a week instead.

    Also, by any chance are these living arrangement at your parents home temporary or long-term? Are you suppose to be saving money to find a place? I asked that because I am trying to discover other potential reasoning’s why your mom may be giving you the cold shoulder. Perhaps she may think you should be saving your money and not hanging out. Just a thought!!

    Best of luck!!

    #50866
    Abbie King
    Participant

    i am saving to get my own place and my mother started to get like this with me just after i told her that i wanted to move out, that was nearly a year ago, she said she would support me in my decision to move out. but so far she has offered no help. since then our relationship has been a bit rocky. no matter how much i try to save i will always have beer money.
    i like going out because it gets me away from home for a few hours, when i’m out i go go the bar down the road from where i work and usually only have a half pint with Jason, then i am still sober enough to cycle the 1.5 miles home. if we finish work early then i have a pint, then Jason walks me home. It’s not a dangerous route to bike as it’s along a main road. i dont go out every night, mabey 3 nights a week.
    i dont see the problem.

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