fbpx
Menu

My Partner Has Suddenly Switched Their Approach To Our Relationship

HomeForumsRelationshipsMy Partner Has Suddenly Switched Their Approach To Our Relationship

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #347106
    Star
    Participant

    Recently my partner and I have been arguing every other week about what isnt working in our relationship. I can’t lie, I’ve been the main person pointing out things that haven’t been working for ME. I understand this can take a toll on them but at times, they can be so disrespectful in how they express themselves. Instead of them wanting to talk it out, they’ll do petty things like give me the silent treatment. I was spending the night at their home a couple of weeks ago. We had an awkward night because we weren’t on the same page about how we wanted to spend our time (it happens). The next morning, there was awkwardness but I thought nothing of it. They proceed to make breakfast–GREAT! I thought we were doing our normal thing but they never returned to the room after throwing away the trash. It was a total of 7 hours I was left alone because I had no idea they were so upset about that night. In their mind, they don’t care so much about how I feel in those moments because they are upset and don’t want to speak to me even if we’re in the same home and I oly have limited time with them. I am in a position where I really want to be with this person but I don’t know how to deal with their expressions. In my eyes, it’s unreasonable and does nothing for the relationship but they feel otherwise. Fast forward to now, after weeks of trying to get them to understand the way I feel and getting replies that sound like they have lost hope in this relationship…everything just changes. He’s suddenly being a solution oriented person and is asking me if i’m willing to do my part to fight for this relationship as if I havent been doing that for the past 2 months. I’m in a weird position because I want to embrace this change of heart but I’m also shocked and want to know where this energy is coming from. I asked him and his response was “I’ve always felt this way, I just don’t express it” HELP!

    #347804
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Star:

    I will be able to read and reply to you in about 14 hours from now, if not earlier. I hope other members answer you as well.

    anita

    #347850
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Star:

    To understand your relationship better, I ask:

    1. “I’ve been the main person pointing out things that haven’t been working for ME”- what are the things that you pointed out to him, other than him giving you the silent treatment/ disappearing when conflicts arise?

    2. “after weeks of trying to get them to understand the way I feel and getting replies that sound like they have lost hope in this relationship..”- what did you communicate/ say to him during these weeks, and what did he say back?

    anita

    #348002
    Hilary
    Participant

    Hi. Well, im a pragmatic person and yes the emotional roots of an issue is problematic *when its not addressed* so to me, you already, if unintentionally, have a partner (who just told you) he has got past that first hurdle. So forgiveme for being blunt but, as to that question “why (did he do an about face)”, its more like, who cares? Let me explain:

    its in the past and the fact is that his actions (being one way for 2 month then actively seeking a positive change) has got o to step two, whereas your question “why” is like a  step backwards: The fact that someone is making an effort to be a team play and fix and help your relationship grow is 1000x more important and you should get on that page too. to ask him, why, and to distrust his face-value answer of “because i care about this relationship” shows your dismissiveness and devaluation of his true feelings. i hope you get past that “why” and actually work as a team to build positivity instead of sewing doubt and negativity.

    Perhaps couples counseling can be a short-term way to assist growth between you two.

    Best of luck!

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.