Dear sona:

You wrote above that you kept going back to the therapist so to resolve the attachment/ separation anxiety. That would have been a good aim IF you worked on it with the therapist. It should have been brought up a long time ago and addressed directly in the sessions. You shouldn’t be alone with this and work on it alone as you attend therapy- therapy is for working on this together with the therapist. Therapy is the place to work on this.

As to the hollow feeling, can you tell me more about it, relax if you need to, and describe that feeling and thoughts that come with it for me, will you? I will be back at the computer in an hour and some and will read and reply to you then!

anita

Dear sona:

Your therapist should have done more than just nod. If he wasn’t prepared the first time you brought up the attachment to him, he then had an opportunity to prepare for the next session and bring it up then. It was his responsibility to attend to this very important matter. You have the right, as you must know, to terminate therapy at any time. If you want to bring it one more time and tell him you are thinking about terminating the therapy because you feel alone with this, you can do that.

He has failed you, is my understanding.

About the hollow feeling, it is the feeling you had when you were a child, scared and alone, in terrible need to be helped. It was overwhelmingly scary. It is a feeling-memory recorded in your brain, and it gets triggered when you separate from someone you feel attachment to. Then it is forgotten when you get used to the separation.

I know this feeling very well, not the exact same thing, of course, but I do know. It is not like this anymore for me, but it was terrible for many, many years. I hope it will not be as long for you as it has been for me.

anita

Dear sona:

You are welcome. I appreciate your thankfulness and you can stop thanking me for the next ten posts.

I am glad you felt relief talking openly. And I think it is a good choice to have cancelled the next session.

Unfortunately, it is natural for a child to take responsibility for what the child is in no way responsible for, to take the badness of those who abuse and neglect the child. Take on the badness and feel ashamed. It is very common, this is what children do when abused and neglected, emotionally if not physically.

Whatever it is you want to share here, whatever you feel ashamed about, the past, you can share. If you would like, and let me know, I can share with you things parallel or similar so you don’t feel alone in the sharing. I too believed I was bad and shame was very strong in me, so I have a whole lot of material to share. Only I will share just a bit, if it will make you feel comfortable.

So type and type if you want, if you think it can help. I will pay attention and I will not hurt you.

anita

Dear sona:

Good. Post anytime you need to…

anita

Dear sona:

Sorry for your distress. Why did you not bring up to him the attachment issue?

Was there anything useful in the session today? Did you learn anything useful?

anita

Hello,
I am new around here. This topic sounds like an intimate talk so I apologize for interfering, but I feel something wrong about your therapist: he knows how you feel, he knows that he is a source of your pain..but he is not doing anything about it. I think he likes it, I think he don’t care at all about you, he is just feeding himself with your love for him, he grows big and that’s it.
Change the therapist, a female one, just a few sessions to see how it goes. Man ( no matter who they are) can be really life and energy suckers. And you should change him just because he is mean to you, ignoring what you feel for him. Transform your attachment in a positive hate : F..k of Doc, you pissed on me, I don’t need you no more !
My humble opinion….