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need guidance!

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  • November 5, 2013 at 8:38 am #44854
    ladybug
    Participant

    Hi all,

    So recently I have started seeing a man who is about ten years older, has children and lives a couple of hours away in a small town. He is definitely separated from his ex but I have a few niggles because she still wants them to be together and she recently had a baby that she conceived just before they broke up. I do not think he would cheat on me with her but a friend who used to live in that town told me that there was gossip that he cheated on her a lot. My only ex cheated on me and my dad always cheated on mum too so I am a bit paranoid- I have also cheated in the past but would never do that now that I am actually ready for a relationship- and said to him that what he does is up to him just to tell me the truth. So I am wondering what other peoples thoughts are on whether I should be concerned. I am not as concerned with cheating more so if there is lying. My last relationship was extremely dysfunctional and codependent so I find it hard to figure what is ‘normal’ relationship behavior.

    Any advice much appreciated unless its about gardening

    November 5, 2013 at 4:10 pm #44882
    Kathy
    Participant

    Hey there ladybug,

    I think the best thing you can do is to take it slow. Maintain whatever it is you do to make yourself happy and fulfilled and do use caution. When your voice tells you something, it may be good to at least acknowledge it (especially before you fall in love and your intuition becomes confused). I personally think that having open and honest conversation about your past is healthy. I usually feel like if someone cheated and they do not feel bad about it, they may do it again. However, some people cheat feel terrible and do not do it again. Of course you can not categorize everyone but I was also cheated on and had a cheating dad and the 2 things that were constant was that they really did not seem to feel very bad about it. I think for some people, they separate sex and love.

    The only advice I have about gardening is to keep watering and caring for your own flowers before giving your TLC to another plant 😉

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