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Need help ending this non-friendship

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #180819

    Talia
    Participant

    I fell for an “unavailable” man even though I do not want a relationship with him. He is gorgeous but his personality is sneaky and untrustworthy. He hides under the facade of an innocent, perfect family man when I know he has manipulated many women. I thought I was smarter, I turned him down and said just friends, nothing more. Nothing ever happened between us physically but just being friends has been a painful roller coaster. He showered me with compliments and told me how much he wanted me and thought about me. I said he was cute, but I did not express too much because I did not want to be vulnerable to him. He called me all the time, but I was not allowed to contact him in any way. My guess is he has been caught multiple times and was left with this option. Then I did not hear from him for over a week. I was worried about if he was okay, or if he was mad at me or something, but I had no way of contacting him.

    When he finally did contact me I told him things needed to change. He needed to call me less and stop the way he was talking to me. I said some choice words about how he wanted me to be available to talk but when I need something I have no way of contacting him. I told him the way he was living his life was sad and why didn’t he have any plans for the future to better himself. I feel horrible. It’s his life and his decisions. I do not want to date this man, I guess I just assumed we would be actual friends at some point? I’m not even sure why I would want that because it’s not a healthy dynamic. He would be cool for a while, then tell me his feelings were too much, I would feel bad for him and we would be back to normal. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, if I just want the attention or don’t want to be rejected by this man. I guess I felt special but I am most definitely not if there have been so many others. I am so confused about why he is still around knowing nothing will happen between us. Oh and we were coworkers, but now we live several hours away because I moved for a new job.

    #180897

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Talia,

    I had something like this. I think these guys keep trying to contact us because they’re bored or they honestly believe that at one point they’ll wear us down. I mean nothing will happen now that you live several hours away.

    What I would do is casually not answer his calls. AND THEN RETURN HIS CALL. He will hate that you broke the “rules”. Say, “Tough. These are my rules now. When you call and I’m unavailable I WILL CALL YOU BACK.” Better: Contact his wife and say, “Your husband tried to call me??”

    What’s he going to do? You live several hours away! And bonus! You’re showing him what a real friendship looks like!

    Keep it Real,

    Inky

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