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Need help with my life. Who do I seek out?

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  • #203115
    Bun
    Participant

    Hello.

    I don’t really have a support system in my life. I don’t have close family, and only one close friend really. So when it comes to the bigger decisions in life, I am often left alone and confused. I don’t have parents or colleagues or anyone close to ask for advice. Being 21 navigating through life alone feels hard. When I had friends before, we shared life interests. We wanted to progress roughly in the same areas, therefore, I felt I had partners in crime. I think school might be cool, but on my own I don’t feel too motivated to go. If I had friends who were going, I would consider going more. My current lifestyle is not really me. I am interested in various areas: interior design, writing, psychology, modeling, health/wellness, etc. But most of my time is spent entirely alone. I am in a “new” city, you could say. I’ve spent a lot of thought, and the two years i’ve been here trying to build a lifestyle that reflects me and what I desire, yet I have somehow found it harder to do so when i’m alone. Maybe friends posed as inspiration? Anyway, I am very tired of my lifestyle. I want to be successful in an area that is meaningful to me. I want to have a routine that I love. Currently, I work at a club in which I am free to come in basically whenever I want. Leaving me with pretty much 6 days a week free, yet no change has happened.

    I just feel lack of information on how to move forward. Where to begin. Where to go. I roughly can envision a lifestyle I want, but with my various interests its hard.

    I suppose a therapist would be good to talk out my emotions, i’m pretty emotional LOL
    However, I feel I also need guidance and someone to help me construct my life/style

    Where could I find a mentor? Or a therapist? Or what is it I need?

     

    • This topic was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Bun.
    #203143
    anita
    Participant

    Dear alyahB_:

    At the end of your post, you asked: “what is it I need?”

    At the beginning of your post you answered it: “a support system… close friend”, to not be “alone and confused”. We are social animals, we need other people. We need to communicate with others.

    When I communicate with another person about things that are meaningful to me, as I express yourself to the other person, I am developing my thoughts as I speak (or type), getting in touch with my feelings and becoming more and more myself.

    When confused, communicating this way takes away the confusion.

    “Who do I seek out?” you asked. My answer: someone decent, someone honest and trustworthy so that the two of you will be honest with each other and worthy of each other’s trust.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by anita.
    #203155
    Regi
    Participant

    I think you feel lonely, is that possible? Feel like no one really cares about what you’re doing?

    I think it might help just talking to anyone in the club. It may be difficult for you to start a conversation to a random stranger, but how would you feel if a nice young man starts talking to you? Ask them about how they manage their lives, what their goals are. Doing this you can meet interesting and wise people, maybe make new friends. If they are not the type that you find wise, no problem, it’s just a talk. If not, the stories of their life may trigger idea’s for your own life. Maybe they can give you good advice. You will judge the advice of a total stranger without any influence of the type of relationship. This way you think clearly and you decide 100% for yourself if this advice is good or not.

    As Anita said, good relationships are very important for a human being, but just a talk to a random stranger can be very interesting and lead to positivity and frienship.

    I hope you find what you’re looking for, because I understand it’s hard to have no external motivation.

    Regi

     

    #203187
    cece
    Participant

    Dear alyahB_ , 

    I understand you completely. I understand how it feels to literally be surrounded by thousands of new people everyday and still feel lonely. In my opinion it seems you just need someone to talk to. I think you should push yourself up and start school. Make friends who enjoy doing the same thing as you. If you cant seem to find that push start go somewhere an interior designer, writer, psychologist, model, etc., might go and somehow build up the courage to start a conversation with someone who looks intriguing to you . Engage in your surroundings. I once saw this quote that said “you are strongest when you are alone” . You’ve got this. I believe in you. and if that doesn’t seem to work, you could start focusing on yourself. Maybe you could rearrange a room in your home, write a book, buy a camera and start taking your own pictures, you said you like health/wellness so maybe you could do a 30 day yoga or fitness challenge. Learn a dance lol. anything that makes YOU HAPPY, pursue it with or without others in your life. Find what gives you energy and apply it graciously to those you encounter everyday. People will start to pick up on your energy and sooner or later someone who shares your same wavelength will come into your life and you’ll both spread your good vibes, together.

    lol i hope that wasn’t too corny.

    With much LOVE , cece.

    #203257
    Bun
    Participant

    I am blessed to have received each of these responses! Thank you. I do feel lonely, and honestly feel just having oneeee person would help. My only barrier with strangers is, I feel I have not much to offer in conversation anymore. Before I was like “OKay I feel lonely, but I am hopeful” Now, I am hopeful yet…I feel all of this time without true human connection has dampened my spirit. I just want answers, help. I had my experience with the wrong friends since being here so that has also dampened my spirt. I used to want friends for fun, now I just feel like I want to be cherished and taken care of as I recuperate. Thank you for your advice

    #203259
    Bun
    Participant

    Also, I feel like with new friends its all about keeping a light vibe. So how can I approach them with a lighter fun mindset when I just feel like someone who needs healing?

    #203303
    anita
    Participant

    Dear alyahB:

    You are welcome. To understand better, I ask:

    In your original post you wrote that you don’t like your current lifestyle and that you wish you had a different lifestyle. What don’t you like about your current lifestyle and what lifestyle do you wish to have?

    In your recent post, you wrote: “now I just feel like I want to be cherished and taken care of”- did you feel cherished and taken care of before, when, where..?

    anita

     

    #203339
    Regi
    Participant

    Hey AlyahB

    I understand that it’s hard to be social when your current feelings don’t allow you to.

    You can try to start a conversation with a good question. Stupid example to make my point: You ask if he/she is a good cook (when you’re are not). People love it when someone is interested in their lives (I bet you know that 😉 ). Ask some things you want to know, and he/she will do the talking for you (in the beginning). It doens’t mather what you ask. Questions are the easiest way to get a conversation started or keep it going. That’s my experience and opinion.

    Some people will ask questions about you when you’re talking to each other. If they do, they’re interested in who you are. And that’s the first step for friendship and feeling someone cares about you.

    It’s just an idea, tell me what you think of that if you want, perhaps I can give some other idea’s if you don’t think that would help.

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