Hello everyone,

It’s been a while. An update. I still remain in no contact with my ex. She was still liking my pictures on Instagram so ultimately I blocked her. I felt it was right so I wouldn’t have to see her name pop up on my phone and trigger anything.

Since then I’ve taken things day by day. Some days are extremely hard and some are good. I am strongly considering therapy. I believe giving an identity to my feelings will help me and be the final push of letting go. I believe I might suffer from depression.

I feel mad, sad, happy, confused, jealous and many others along the lines of that. And for some reason I feel like karma somehow needs to come around. But that’s just my mad, sad and confused self talking.

It’s gotten somewhat easier. I’ve put a lot of the heart ache on hold as I just found out my mom may have cancer again. So I’m focused being positive support for her.

Hopefully therapy works out for me. I’m excited.

Andy

Anita,

I hope therapy works for me. I just want to get a grip of the emotions I’m feeling. Some of them just feel irrational. Like my feeling of vengeance. Like I can’t describe it. It’s like I feel like karma will come back around to my ex. I feel like it’s my healthy but at the same time it drives me in a way.

I guess because in a way I feel betrayed and abandoned. I don’t know if I told you, or if we discussed it but she told me while we were dating that the guy she’s dating now would be her next boyfriend if I didn’t treat her right. And the fact two weeks after we broke up she’s with him and still us with him makes me angry. I guess that’s where that feeling comes from.

Also, is it bad to not give up on people? I feel because I love everyone who comes in contact with me. It’s hard to not help them or care for them.

Andy

Anita,

The first part of your answer, was that to me or her? I haven’t started dating yet or anything. In fact, I like being single right now. It’s not bad. I’d rather be where I am, and deal with what I’ve been through then where she is. I don’t think she’s grown as much as I have personally. I tend to believe being single for a while is good. If you’re happy being alone you’ll be happy being with someone also. Which is where I’m getting.

And you’re right about the giving up. I guess I should just drop everyone who’s hurting me. Like you said, maybe I’ll figure it out in therapy.

Andy.

Anita,

Then I guess it’s natural. I feel like one day I’ll have that reckoning I long for. Hrs my that I want to hurt her. I feel like I’m owed something for what I’m enduring. And for how everything ended with what she said to me during the relationship.

Anita, thanks so much for the help. Personally I feel like I’ve made gains. I’ve stayed away from this site and s few other forums to stop talking about everything because it was bringing me down I felt. I’ll continue to post for a while. Just to update with therapy and things.

Andy

I have another update.

Today at school I had to go to the library for some homework. In the back of my head I knew I would see my ex so I was scared as I walked because I didn’t want to see her and her new boy like I did before.

So on the way back to class, I walked into the building. I saw a pair of eyes looking at me and through everyone bustling around the campus I noticed it was hers. As she stood with her new boy looking at me.

Myself didn’t notice it at first but I feel as if she was looking at me for a while. I was walking with my friends laughing and smiling as we talked and walked to class.

Instead of feeling scared and hurt after seeing her, I felt okay. I sat in class feeling an overwhelming sense of confidence although it was on my mind.

I felt proud of myself. Because I took a major step in my own confidence. I thought I couldn’t face her but I feel like I can now.

It was weird. But I saw her again after class with her boy and she looked somewhat distressed. Maybe she wasn’t but it looked like it. Myself again laughing and smiling with my friends.

I feel proud of myself.

Andy.