Ok. I fell in love with this boy 4 years ago. He’s never been in a stable relationship and comes from a bad neighborhood with a bad past. We started off strong and with full force. Never in my life had I felt the way this boy made me feel. He didn’t have it all together then, but neither did I. He was recently out of a 6 year unhealthy “relationship” with his kids mother. He fell hard for me which is something he’d never experienced before. I came into our relationship with a few insecurities of my own (previously being cheated and lied to). His kids mother “Jody” is a full blown psychopath. She’s manipulative and hateful. She didn’t approve of our relationship and therefore took it out on their kids. She was refusing to let him see their kids and did everything she could to destroy what we had. She even went as far as lying to the court and having a false restraining order put on him for 2 years. (She even admitted later on she did it out of spite). He had reached a breaking point and was vigorously missing his children. So, he started texting her things he knew she wanted to hear. “I miss you. I’m sorry, she’ll never be like you”. In return, Jody started letting him see his kids. The more she heard what she needed to, the more he could enjoy his children. But then, it was taken too far and she wanted a sexual relationship with him. In fear of losing his children, he panicked. He had sex with her one time, and instantly regretted it. A few weeks later when the idea was brought up again, he declined. This set her into full rage all over again. The secret came out and I found out of his infidelity. I was devastated, lost, confused and heartbroken. We split up, and I stopped speaking to him. All of my insecurities from the passed were now once again brought to life and I thought to myself there must be something wrong with me. He had now lost everything. His kids once again, and now me. After some time, and several attempts of him reaching out to me, I gave him the opportunity to explain himself. He was barely sleeping and eating, he knew he messed up, he didn’t do it out of pleasure but out of fear for his children. He answered any and all questions I had so finally I took him back. He went above and beyond and proved himself worthy and loyal to me every single day. But, at the time, I couldn’t get passed my insecurities. I tried really hard to let it go because I made the decision to take him back, so hanging the situation over his head wouldn’t do anything to help our future, but sometimes it was too hard. I started to slowly detach myself from him and found myself wondering and thinking of other men sexually and emotionally. I never acted on these thoughts, it was simply a “What if there is better out there for me” moment. He could feel my distance and when he asked me, I told him the truth. He didn’t handle the information well. To him, he had worked so hard to prove himself to me and become a better version of himself, for me to think about straying away to other men? His pride and ego had been shattered. He asked me questions like “who do you think about, what are you thinking?” And I felt these questions were unimportant and he should be focusing more on the problem at hand. This also pissed him off and hurt him because really who am I to tell him how to feel? So, his old ways kicked in a little, and he started messaging other girls as “revenge”. We ended up splitting up again at one point and he started talking to another girl. After time, we decided to make it work, but he was still holding on to this anger and never told this girl we were back together. He went to see her one night, hung out with her, had conversation and went home. No foul play. But, lied to me about it. I found out because she had messaged him one night while he was asleep and I intercepted the messages on his phone. She apologized, stating she didn’t know he was taken, and sent me screen shots of their conversations that he previously had deleted. In a rage, I woke him up, asked him to explain himself which he couldn’t and once again, we were breaking up. His stuff was packed and he was about to move out, but truth is I’m miserable without him. He knew he handled it poorly and we both couldn’t believe we were in this situation. We let our emotions get the best of us and instead of communicating like adults we sought revenge and argued ultimately ending up where we were. After yet, more time and conversation we got back together. It has now been over a year drama free. We came back stronger than ever and he is a completely different person. He went from a boy to a man. I’ve never had someone love me as deeply as he does and my love for him transformed him. He has raised my children the passed 4 years as his own since their father checked out before birth. He holds down two jobs, he supports me mentally and emotionally. But, towards the end something had changed. We continued fighting about the passed and it seemed that our issues weren’t being resolved. We both became so tired and fed up that we’d avoid communicating about anything that mattered just to avoid fighting and I felt myself feeling unhappy. We’ve been split up for 3 months now. I thought I needed freedom, time to focus on myself. This man is so great at changing and I don’t adapt so well. I find no interest in any other men, yet stepped out there and slept with someone recently. I had an anxiety attack immediately after because I kept thinking of him, knowing how he feels, how he wants to be with me. I didn’t even enjoy it, this freedom I thought I so desperately needed has now become my prison. He hasn’t been with any other women, and we still currently live together. We do things together just like a family, but at the end of the day I miss him greatly. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I can do better, will find better, I’ll be happy someday but truth is, I just want him. I’ve been at battle with myself whether we should try and make this work again or if it is a lost cause. He holds a mirror to myself and my flaws and he supports and encourages me to do better. He is my family, we’ve shared so many amazing memories. We both need to work on communicating better and keeping our past in the past, but how do we do that? How can we make this work?