Believe it or not, there are numerous people (perfectly normal, high-functioning people) your age and older who haven’t kissed anyone in a romantic fashion. I didn’t kiss or have sex with another person until I was almost 27 years old. For the longest time, I had thought there was something wrong with me. I didn’t understand why the men I liked never returned my feelings. I was/am successful, well-educated, athletic, attractive, but I could never get what I wanted in regards to romance and to some extent still don’t. When I thought about the reasons as to why I was such a “late bloomer,” I realized it wasn’t because there was something wrong with me. There are lots of really crappy people who’ve kissed, made love, etc. People who clearly have serious problems and flaws that they have no intention of addressing still get dates and sex and romance.

That you haven’t kissed anyone yet just means you have standards and a desire for meaning in your life. You’re special in that sense. The universe is waiting for the right time to give you and another person an opportunity to share a kiss (or something more) that has a deeper meaning to you than it does for many other people. Or perhaps some of your peers had their first kisses earlier in life because they have a broader range of the kinds of people they are attracted to. That’s the thing—everyone experiences life’s gifts at different times, and the right time for you just hasn’t happened yet.

You feel shame for not having kissed a girl. You shouldn’t. I totally understand. I felt a deep embarassment for not having had sex until I was almost 30. But instead of feeling shame, you should just own it. Be proud of who you are. Your self-worth should not be linked to whether or not you’ve kissed someone. You are enough as you are, and the universe is as it should be. If people make fun of you for it, then you don’t need to be around those people. You are more likely to garner respect for being big enough to admit something that our messed up culture values above more important things like generosity, kindness, hard work. And good people love and cherish such brutal honesty because it takes courage to be honest. And I know you think that 20 is old for not having kissed anyone. In my book, you are extremely young. Personally, I am glad I waited so long to be intimate with another human being. At 20, I was still discovering my identity. If I had kissed anyone at that point in my life, I would not have been able to emotionally deal with it from a balanced standpoint because I would have been kissing someone for the wrong reasons. It’s important to be able to embrace yourself—including your anxieties and fears—in order to receive the authentic kind of love you’re looking for. Your peers may seem better off with their romantic experiences, but, believe it or not, most people get physical with each other out of sheer loneliness and an inability to rely on themselves for happiness. Those are terrible reasons to get involved with someone else. I imagine that you, however, want to kiss someone to give and receive affection, right? That’s a great reason to kiss someone. You don’t want to do it just to feel like you’ve accomplished a rite of passage or because you’re lonely or because all of your friends have done it. Can you give love if you feel like you are a loser for not having kissed anyone? There’s nothing wrong with you. You may want to kiss someone, but you don’t need to do it to be a whole-hearted, fulfilled person.