Dear heartbrokengurl:

Good to read from you again. Congratulations for moving to your own apartment.

Here is what you will NOT be experiencing in your apartment because you are no longer in a relationship with your ex: no fights, no one losing his temper over simple things. And you can walk carelessly, not careful, like on eggshells.

From your previous posts: “He will pick fights, and lose his temper over very simple things, and its like walking on eggshells…I dont know what is going to set him off…His bad qualities…picking fights, his temper, walking on eggshells), I don’t miss at all.”

He was affectionate and pleasant at times and you miss those things. As you walk selectively-positive-memory lane, watch your step… ooops, a broken egg, yolk and all, gooey.

Do your best to enjoy your new apartment and the great location. Do post again, anytime.

anita

Hi heartbrokengurl,
I hate to say this because people always think “Oh shut up” but this will pass.
I can say this from recent experience.. I had been on & off with my ex since June and only within the last month have I decided to cut things off with him due to his poor attitude towards me. He had a temper and would always try to be right, wouldn’t listen or value me etc – he had good qualities too don’t get me wrong.
I have felt so stuck and so in a rut for so many months (7 months to be precise!) and I guess for me I was holding on something that I truly knew was never going to happen and that’s ok – because had I not been in this rut I wouldn’t have learned my value or my worth and a lot about myself and him – I also could’ve tried to revisit things with him at a later date having not done it before. These things take time, we can’t just turn off feelings for someone that we have invested a lot of time and effort in.

I don’t know why you broke up but… The only bit of advice I can give you that I worked on for myself is – if he makes an effort, both physically and emotionally.. so he calls you wants to make things work, apologises with actions as well as words and shows he is truly sorry (or if he hasn’t ‘done anything wrong’) proves his love to you, unconditionally, then this to me is the only way I would ever had reconsidered starting something back up with him. If a man wants something/someone.. he will go and get it no matter what. Unfortunately for my ex he was saying he loved me and wanted me back but made no effort physically to do so and continued to message other girls saying “why should he wait around”.. the type of attitude I didn’t want.

Dear heartbrokengurl/K:

I realized lately the reason why we remember the good in a broken relationship and not the bad- it is because in times of anxiety/ distress, like you being NOT in a relationship, we tend to remember what comforts us, what makes us feel safe, better. And what comforts us are the good memories, when we did experience safety and love with the ex. There is no comfort in the memories of fighting and walking on eggshells.

So, remember both- that would be true to reality and on one hand will provide you some comfort, and on the other, weaken your desire to get back with him, to have him back into your life.

anita

Dear K:

You are welcome. I feel badly that your father did not uplift you, and made you sad (that sad face you added there).

anita