May 15, 2020 at 8:38 am #355158Christiana MooreParticipant
I am 24 years old will be 25 at the end of the year I have a babygirl who is 1 year old. I sometimes struggling with finding the right parenting style while her dad is just kind of winging it. We are currently in the process of separating however he is currently a stay at home father and although he’s great he says I “baby” her too much. For example, if she gets hurt I add onto the hysterical cries etc… I mean she’s a baby still and although I want her to have strength and learn that she’s going to hurt herself sometime I also want to comfort her and know that she is protected and safe instead of showing “tough love” all of the time. I sometimes find myself sitting worrying about how she’s going to navigate through life as well as how I’m going to teach her certain things. I was a stay at home mother for 18 months and during that time I had so much fun teaching her things. I have horrible anxiety when it comes to leaving her with anyone even her dad but I’m adjusting it could be related to childhood trauma and I struggled having a voice or telling my mom when I was uncomfortable or someone harmed me. I’m also trying to break generational curses, cycles, and trauma so I’ve stayed away from family so that I don’t receive unwanted opinions however, I have a pretty large family but I don’t feel like I’ve had the best role models when it comes to parenting. I understand that most parents do what they can or have been taught but I just want the best (like any other parent does) without my daughter have to grow up recovering from any trauma.May 15, 2020 at 9:05 am #355164anitaParticipant
Dear Christiana Moore:
The “right parenting style” is about calm. The most important thing for a child is to know that her parent is calm and in control. This means that you need to act as calm as you can be, on an ongoing, regular basis, no hysterics, no drama in front of her. When she cries, comfort her with your empathy and physical touch. If she misbehaves, instruct her how to behave instead, show her specifically the acceptable behavior you expect her to choose next time, in a similar circumstance.
Regarding “generational curses, cycles, and trauma”- she will be affected by those, if not yours then other people’s as she grows up and interacts with others. Again, the best thing you can do for her is to be calm around her on a regular basis. Your calm will become her calm as she comes to more and more contact with our troubled world outside her home.
anitaMay 15, 2020 at 9:22 am #355170Christiana MooreParticipant
Thank you so much. I intuitively knew this but just needed the confirmation and the universe sure does respond. I am often conflicted about the outside world and what she will learn, trying my best not to not be so restrictive and obsessed about overprotecting I understand that most if not all of her lifes experiences will eventually be out of my control.May 15, 2020 at 10:42 am #355184anitaParticipant
Dear Christiana Moore:
You are very welcome. Your daughter’s life is not likely to be easy simply because we don’t live in a world that makes an easy life possible. What you can do for her is to give her empathy and calm, so that she will be better able to endure future difficulties and make wise choices when facing those difficulties.
Post again anytime you want to.