Dear June:

Good to read from you again. I am fine, thank you. This summer has been mild here (North- West US) compared to last, so I am grateful for it. I worry mostly about climate change, so I’m taking life one day at a time. I am glad to read that you are excited about seeing Ankor Wat, the largest religious monument in the world, an enormous Buddhist temple complex located in northern Cambodia.

Also good to read that your dating life is stable. You met him in January 2022 through a dating app, became officially exclusive two months in (March), both global nomads. He is currently in the EU, and the two of you are in a long-distance relationship with plans for him to travel and spend more time together with you. The communication between the two of you has amazingly consistent, you shared (which helps a lot when it comes to anxious attachment!)

You talked about the LDR stage of the relationship before it took place, preparing for it, practicing excellent communication skills, including  being assertive with each other: “I think it’s just the matter of how each of you set expectations and show your partner what you want. Showing your standard and your boundaries is not a turn-off, it is really powerful. And him, how open he is to discussing what comfortable or not for him”.

“I’m happy we’re gonna meet again, and we gonna spend time together, but at the same time I’m a bit anxious… Like is he gonna bailed last minutes and cancel? Will like me as much again when we meet?..“-

-You were anxious before “the talk” with him about exclusivity back in March this year. You shared about it April 21: “I had to muster up my courage for a while… I shifted my perspective, it was clear to see that I have to approach it as in it will be a lot of positive experience that we both can share together…. makes him feel I have a lot of value to give“.

I hope that your own words help you once again and enjoy your trip. Post again whenever you feel like it, and I will be glad to read and reply!

anita

Dear June:

You are welcome and thank you for checking in with me, good to have a conversation with you! I prefer autumn and winter over a hot summer anytime, particularly when it comes to a hot and humid summer, unless I am all in the water of the Mediterranean sea: the only body of water I’ve been in that is not too cold, and the only escape from the summer heat and humidity that I knew as a child.

“The more that I try to push down my anxiety, the more it want to explode“- the nature of emotions and emotional states (like anxiety) is that the more we re-press, the more the emotion ex-presses, ex-plode. What we push down must come up.

“Sometimes I just have to…be present… acknowledging that I have those feelings and thoughts but also I can defeat it myself, it’s in a weird way for myself is liberating“-

– the more we deny or minimize our feelings (emotions), the more they grow and take over. Acknowledge them and they shrink and retreat. The problem is that unless an emotion/  anxiety is intense, we don’t notice it, so it grows. Key is to acknowledge anxiety when normally we won’t be paying attention, which means to plan to acknowledge it periodically during our waking hours, and be present with it.

anita