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New relationship but havent truely moved on

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • October 28, 2018 at 1:31 pm #233891
    Lukey
    Participant

    Me and my ex broke up after 2.5years earlier this year as she couldnt do it as my family didnt like her cause yes we had some rough patches. 2 months later she contacts me saying how she is so sorry for what happened and realised that i was the one for her and that she may never get another chance to be with me. We stayed in contact still and went out ocasionally while giving eachother distance but at the same time i met someone else who i developed a relationsionship with and now we are together.

    My new partner is great in everyway but at times i feel bored, sometimes disinterested, not really happy and that i only got together with her to make her happy not myself and to get back at my ex with someone new

    6 months apart but still talking  i still have feelings for my ex and so does my ex towards me, we have talked about how if we gave eachother a 2nd chance that we would 100% workout it and make it work even though it would be difficult with my family at 1st. We have both talked about the past and our differences and agreed that they are the past.

    At the moment im confused on what to do my new parter is great but i cant stop thinking about my ex everywhere i go. My ex said shes all for giving us another go and working it out but im confused on what to do stay with new partner or try and relight my relationship with my ex

    October 28, 2018 at 2:10 pm #233909
    Feathering my nest
    Participant

    If you are not over your ex the fairest thing to do is end it with your current partner- they will sense that you’re not ‘fully in’ (and unless they are OK with that) then this will cause problems.

    If restarting with your ex is what you want then go ahead; just be mindful of what caused the breakup.

    What will be different this time? How can you make sure this difference stays?

    October 29, 2018 at 6:21 am #234243
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lukey:

    You wrote that your new partner is “great in every way”- what are those ways?

    You wrote that you and your ex girlfriend had “rough patches”- what were those rough patches?

    The answers to these two questions can help clarify your confusion. If you answer these questions, I will be glad to give you my input and through ongoing communication, maybe your confusion will be gone.

    anita

    October 31, 2018 at 3:29 am #234629
    Lukey
    Participant

    Okay my new partner has a good job, good family, smart, funny, good looking, supportive, has good friends, reasonable and understanding, supportive, keen on trying new adventures, easy to get along with.

    Rough patches with ex girlfriend her getting depression and pushing me away cause she needed time alone, i thought she was cheating and i went through her phone to find her snapchatting a guy alot but was a highschool friend trying to help her deal with depression even though thats what i was for cause i was her bf, then she didnt want to go on holidays that we booked over a year but we still went and she made it really uncomfortable as she was always was angry at me and moody and kept saying she wanted to go home. After the holiday we had a 1 week break and sorted it out and got back together. But my parents hated her for what she did on the holiday and didnt like her anymore and didnt want her over the house anymore even though i said we have sorted it out and are happy. We stayed 4 months together after that but she couldnt deal with my parents hating her and not being accepted and not being allowed to come over which hurt me too and from that we spilt and went our own ways, but 2 months later she messaged me saying how she misses me and wants to make everything right and be back together

    I still have feelings for her and feel like our chapter hasnt ended between us and that we were forced by my parents to finish it just to make them happy, even though they didnt consider our happiness

    October 31, 2018 at 6:35 am #234667
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lukey:

    If your new girlfriend is “reasonable and understanding, supportive.. easy to get along with”, then you should be these things with her too, reasonable, understanding, supportive and easy to get along with. If you can’t be these things with her, you shouldn’t be with her.

    I understand that sometimes you feel disinterested and bored with her. Did you ever feel disinterested and bored with your ex girlfriend or did you always feel interested and excited to be with her?

    Your parents met your ex girlfriend and observed her (“she was always angry at me and moody and kept saying she wanted to go home”), and as a result of spending time with her, they don’t like her. They can’t change their dislike of her. It is not reasonable or fair of you to expect them to like her, or to feel anything at all that they don’t feel. We don’t choose our feelings. It is also their right to not have her in their home.

    Your ex girlfriend communicated extensively with another young man while in relationship with you, keeping the communication private, not sharing with you that she was communicating with him. She as often angry at you. Do you think you deserved her anger, and are you willing to receive more of it if you get back together with her?

    anita

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