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New Year, New Challenges, And Upset Again

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  • January 26, 2017 at 8:27 pm #126211
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cath:

    Welcome back, good to read from you again!

    Sorry to read about this new relationship not being successful at this point. I don’t have enough information from your post to attempt to answer your questions in the last paragraph. I will re-read your new thread tomorrow (and anything you may add), in about 12 hours or so.

    anita

    January 27, 2017 at 6:21 pm #126265
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Anita, happy to see you here!!

    Well if I can try to clear it up a bit- paranoid more in the sense of insecure, second guessing whether he actually likes me or not, stuff like that.

    When we were together – live- and before and between our two trips together – it felt amazing and I felt secure. I don’t know if the fact that I fell in love changed the perspective for me a bit. does it make sense?

    January 27, 2017 at 6:54 pm #126266
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cath:

    I re-read your new thread and your second post in it. Following your return from the second trip to his country he grew cold, disinterested and rude and he wouldn’t tell you what is the problem.

    The only thing I figure is you spend too little time with him, in person. It is/ was a very new relationship. You saw him only twice, I understand, visiting him in his country, and you dived into it emotionally too soon and too deep:

    “… it was amazing. Perfection. We had fun together like I never had with anyone else. I was absolutely sure we were on the same page, corresponding each other. I felt safe and secure, had no doubts”-

    Seems too soon to be “absolutely sure”. Too soon to feel safe and secure in the relationship. Infatuated to the point of using the word Perfection.

    Too soon, is my understanding of it. You simply didn’t know him enough and you dived in blindly into premature safety, security, confidence. You used the common term in your last post: falling in love. Fall/ dive, same principle- not having your feet on solid ground.

    Did you move out of your patents’ home (living with your father), I wonder. What happened with the PhD aspirations…

    anita

    January 28, 2017 at 4:05 am #126273
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    ANita,

    I’m almost printing your post and sticking it onto my wall. You were absolutely spot on!!!
    It was an immediate relief thank you
    ABout your questions, I’ve received some other PhD rejections, but am still trying. Unfortunately could not leave my father’s house yet, which also is far from the ideal for me. But let’s see 🙂

    January 28, 2017 at 7:56 am #126278
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cath:

    You are welcome. Maybe make a Plan B (Plan A being the PhD plan), and consider a Plan C. Remember your father’s challenges are not your responsibility, neither is his marriage. Take care of you!

    anita

    January 29, 2017 at 5:44 pm #126343
    Brav3
    Participant

    Dear Cath,

    Anita’s post is very spot on about ” Too soon”.

    There are two things to pay attention to

    1. Look at his actions and not his words
    2. Why you have come across a person like that? Again? Because there’s something more to learn here. Probably, something like how to recognize someone like that? or How to not get so deeply emotionally involved, so soon? And most importantly, how not to blame yourself for making a mistake and having a guilt about it?

    I can point you in some direction but try to find answers .

    1. How to recognize someone like that? Do you know yourself well? If Yes, then you would know what you are compatible with. Attraction and love is good but shared values are highly essential to have a healthy stable relationship.

    2. How to not get so deeply emotionally involved, so soon ? Don’t let your deep desire run you. Wait for some time, observe and explore. Not when a person is at their best behavior, but when they are different from usual. See their action, keep your mind in check from running your dream stories. See reality. When you aren’t caught in attachment or other emotions, then you can see things very clearly.

    3. How to not blame yourself and have guilt Making a mistake is called Being a human. Remember always that you have always done your very best in any situation given to you. So what if you made a mistake. We all make mistakes. I am still making a mistake and learning.

    Acknowledge, forgive yourself and learn from it. You are strong, you can do this and come out to be far stronger. This time you don’t let people mistreat you. This time you stand up for yourself and be courageous to face pain and uncertainty.

    Good luck
    Brav3

    January 31, 2017 at 5:16 pm #126495
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Guys, you are AMAZING. Your advices were such an elightenment! Thank you so much!!!

    C.

    January 31, 2017 at 7:27 pm #126499
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, cath. You’ve always been so gracious in your replies!
    anita

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