I thought it was about time I started a new topic.
I had one under “Tough Times”, where for almost a year I wrote about my struggles with a rough break up, parents divorcing at the very same time, and panic and anxiety.
Anyway, a quick balance of what that all meant. During 2016, most of my plans failed. Failed hard. But I took the opportunity to take care of myself, find out what is to love myself and realize, for instance, that i do not deserve a relationship like the one I used to be. I wasn’t treated the way I deserved, I was stuck to it because I was being manipulated to the point that anxiety and panic took over my life. i was manipulated and emotionally abused until the very last minute of it.
Ok, so, after MUCH work done with myself, with being a lot more comfortable and loving to myself, I’ve turned myself into my priority and this was it. Worked amazingly, and am grateful I have come to this point.

However- one year later, I seem to be at a similar situation from my former relationship and it hurts badly as to why I landed to something like that.

The relationship is theoretically in its inital stages (and we are long distance btw. everything happened by chance and I thought that, because of several facts, we were so meant to be). I took a couple of trips to where he lives (another country) and it was amazing. Perfection. We had fun together like I never had with anyone else. I was absolutely sure we were on the same page, corresponding each other. I felt safe and secure, had no doubts, the previous months were feeling exactly what I hoped from a relationship, even if a long distance one.

But right after I came back home, (almost a month ago btw), things started going downhill. He has become cold, hardly corresponding me whenever I say something sweet (like I had always done mostly), and treating me badly. Like, being rude, disagreeing and being uninterested with EVERYTHING I say. One day I decided to ask what was going on, the answer was nothing, and he asked why I was wondering that because there was no reason at all. There was another episode that honestly was quite a dealbreaker that I don’t want to go into details because it was quite personal.

Anyway. This is where I am at. After so much work on myself, I come across a person that treats me like this, and I’m unable to stand up for myself. I’m upset and consumed by this. Can’t have normal days because I’m VERY Sad and upset, it feels like a nightmare after all the dreamy times we had together.

For a while I thought I was being paranoid but after almost a month this is clearly not the case. Other lesson from 2016 was to learn how to trust my guts and feelings.

So i don’t understand. Is there something I have yet to learn? Why someone like that in my life again? Whydo I have feelings for smeone like that, why do I keep trying? Very frustrated and disappointed. I don’t know what to do.

Sorry about the long post.

cheers,