New Year, Same Me?

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    Maria Mango

    Happy New Year Everyone!!

    This is a long post so TL;DR I had a rather large epiphany. I think I’d like to practice discovering and accepting just who I am instead changing to fit the mold for another year. It’s an exciting thought so I’d love to share it with everyone and get some thoughts on the matter.

    I’ve been perusing Facebook the last couple of days and lots of people have posted wonderful, positive retrospectives. Those are so lovely to see. Some people posted about what they were going to change in the New Year. That strikes me as a negative for some reason. Don’t get me wrong – change is absolutely vital to growth and is a very positive thing. However, it struck me that so many people, myself included, feel pressured to change not just at the turn of the year, but all the time. Change looks, change weights, change attitudes. Even a lot of the sites and sources that I look to for positive vibes can subtly and probably accidentally push the idea that you need to be different in order to be happy. That thought kind of made me feel sad, that so many people think they’re not good enough already. I struggle with feeling like I’m good enough all the time so I know how heartbreaking it can be to strive to be the world’s idea of “perfect” and never really get there.

    I think this year, after all the big changes of the past five or six years, I want to focus on loving myself just as I am. I believe everyone is born perfectly as they are supposed to be, it’s just the social mask we put on that gets chipped, tattered, and imperfect. Up ’til now in my life, I’ve tried so, so hard to fit in and all I ever got from that was a heap of self loathing cause, whether I want to admit it or not, I just don’t fit in. I think differently, I look different, I act different than most people. And I’m finally okay with that. So my resolution is to begin taking that social mask off, piece by piece. My resolution is to become rather than change who I am and I couldn’t be more excited to start.

    Let me know your thoughts on this, I’d love to hear the TB community’s perspective 🙂

    Much Love,




    I love it!

    If I’m reading your post correctly in the past you have allowed outer influences to determine the direction of your ‘change’ (As above so below) This Year you have awaken to the possibility of determining the path you will follow from your sense of self – as you know it to be in this moment without a pressure to change to fit in (As below so above – you become a influence to change).  Its actually a irony, or is that a paradox, that when we learn to say yes to who we are, as we are in the moment without the need to force ‘change’, that authentic change happens naturally.  I think your on your way to discovering many wondrous things.

    Of course we will always be influenced by the outer word, our culture, traditions, past, memories… so don’t be discourage when those around you and events push back.  It is this very push back that will show you your path as you practice the art of loving yourself.

    The ancient of Man ponders his curiosity. Questions arise as he wonders of his own significance… how time moves as sands of an hour glass, not to be grasped, but reckoned with by the moment. The focus of a single crystal houses hope, love, and the rainbow multitude of Life’s involvement. We see these things in passing we feel them as now. The Master of these sands is he who loves each crystal – Rick Cain

    Happy New Year!


    Dear Maria:

    I like your resolution very much, to “become rather than change who I am”.

    As a matter of fact, “to become” has been my resolution when I started my healing process, seven years ago almost. These were this is the word I used, to become.

    Regarding wearing a social mask so to fit in with others: I think that everyone who is somewhat functional wears some social mask so to fit in. It can be as … mild as practicing social manners, like saying thank you and you are welcome, a social lubrication of sorts, and it can be severe and harmful, such as allowing oneself to get hurt so to please others.

    I hope you share more about your resolution and how it is actualized.



    This is precisely what I realized last year and made my resolution. A year later, I’ve made tremendous strides towards accepting myself as I am while still challenging myself to grow. I think that this realization really does bring an ever-so-slight mindset shift that’s necessary to be able to accept the paradoxical, internal yin and yang that is loving oneself while continuing to push forward to promote personal growth. It’s such a fine line to walk, but from your post, I think you’re well on your way. 🙂


    Hi  Maria.  I have the same problem.  I’m different and  always tried to mold myself into what society says I should be instead of being myself.  It just led to a lot of shame because I thought I was defective in some way.  I’ve made a lot of progress because I was tired of being a phony and living my life for the approval of others.  Best of luck!

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