no riends who really get me

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    Hello everybody!


    I feel like I’m about to rant, but please hear me out.

    I’m a 29 year old guy, I’m at the airport right now moving back to my home country. I’m that type of person who loves traveling, experiencing new things and be put into brand new situations to solve them.

    I had a girlfriend who was my best friend. She was always the first one I told everything to, because I knew she would get me. Of course this happened online, where you are free to create whatever image you have of the other person. But we phoned quite a lot too, and I was certain I knew that person. Then, when I was about to move to Japan for her, a week before she cancelled on us. I was there with a flight ticket in hand, I could literally feel myself falling inside of my body without ever reaching ground.

    Nevertheless, I went to Japan, was trying so hard to have a good time, but when I went to her city, I fell apart. I couldn’t help crying in public and contacted her. Then we met, she apologized and said she wanted to try again. I accepted and enjoyed the ride, I felt it would have been stupid to let my ego sabotage this chance. I went in. We spent two months together, and what I learnt is that she was absolutely not that person I got to know online. I know, I’m not the first person to experience this, but I feel so confused. How could I misread her so much to a point where I was the one deciding to cut the ties?

    We had been friends for 4 years online, I wanted to visit her earlier, but Covid and Japan thought otherwise. Now my other friends feel like fakes and I have to force myself to talk to them, or don’t want at all. But on the other hand I feel awfully lonely, to a point where I asked myself what is wrong with me.

    She was my community, the one who understood me so well. And then it turned out to be a lie I created for myself.

    To escape and have closure for this, I would love to get to know new people, to find my person, a real one this time.

    Also, I would love to make new friends, especially in a community where spirituality is a key point.

    I’m more fun than this post, don’t worry. 🙂



    Hi Paul

    I’m sorry to hear about the break up. How are you coping with it?

    I’ve actually experienced something similar in a past LDR relationship. Basically, people can be one way online, but a different way in person.

    At the same time to some extent this can occur with dating in person too. Some people can behave in certain ways during the initial dating period but have difficulty with sustaining it. Some people might be great to date or be friends with but when it comes to living with them they’re unbearable.

    People are complicated. Long distance relationships are also inherently risky because they often don’t work out. As long as you’re aware of the risks and willing to take that chance it’s fine. But it seems to have blindsided you a bit.

    You shouldn’t blame yourself. It’s the nature of the situation and people in general. You gave it a shot and took a chance.

    That’s incredibly brave and it makes sense for you to be brave and take a chance as those are core values for you as an adventurous person who loves travelling and having new experiences. Things won’t work out sometimes but that is okay.

    Wishing you all the best! 🙏


    Dear Paul

    I am sorry that the realtime relationship was but just a shadow of what you had virtually.

    You say you are returning to your home country are you also returning to your home town?

    What kind of spirituality are you looking for?

    Although I have not travelled for a few years now, I always tried to find a meditation group & or Quakers in the vicinity of where I was visiting meaning that I have encountered many kind & friendly people in my travels.

    Best wishes


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