Home→Forums→Tough Times→No synchronicity, No serendipity, nothing…
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July 27, 2015 at 6:34 pm #80601TonyParticipant
I was following a group of people that put strong emphasis on action. This is really about doing everything you’re supposed to do and ending up living everybody else’s fears of being passed-by, overlooked, fallen through the cracks; in chronic poverty, about stagnating and not having any control whatsoever over the things that make life worth living. And it just never quits. I’m now well into middle age. This is like a curse. Its like having a disease and there is no one who knows what it is or how to deal with it. I often can’t help feeling gypped and cheated with life in general. The most sinking feeling is that in my small sphere of society I’ve always been the one in need. You’re pretty much invisible when you’re in the throws of relentless poverty.
Its one thing to behave like a complete fool and then complain when it catches up to you. Its something else entirely when you’ve done everything right, follow all the “rules”, do everything you’re suppose to do, keep your act clean, keep your conscience clear and end up with NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.
I have very few regrets. Like everybody else I’ve made my share of mistakes. But regrets come from either bad decisions or living life foolishly or unconsciously.
If you are always on the outside looking in, its easy to think that getting married, raising a family, establishing a hotshot career, buying a home, all these things,with a little effort, just naturally happen like the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. If you are always true to yourself, keep your conscience clear and your act clean and still no one CHOOSES to be with you or wants what you have to offer, guess what? Nobody has an answer for that beyond quizzical looks and shrugged shoulders.
Two people grow up with the same talent, same drive, same education, same potential. One becomes Oprah or Mark Zuckerberg or Taylor Swift. The other can only find work as a cashier if any at all. I just lost my seasonal job. I’m trying real hard to see this as an opportunity; trying to keep a good attitude about it. I’m afraid this too will be just another in a long list of attempts to “improve” things. I’m very tired.
Funny nobody has any advice when things don’t fall into place and one thing doesn’t lead into another for whatever reason because so few can relate. Thing usually “work out”, one way or another, for most people.Any thoughts? Thanks!
July 27, 2015 at 7:27 pm #80605AnnieParticipantHello ajlewis,
I can relate to the sense of hopelessness that you may be feeling. If i’m not mistaken, you are saying that you’ve done everything correct in terms of remaining authentic, well polished, and open minded and yet nobody wants to be with you. Instead of asking what you have to offer, have you ever thought what others may be able to offer as a change? I’m sure you have a lot of wonderful things to offer, but different people have different needs. By “offer,” I don’t necessarily mean material things, but rather emotional support, respect, kindness, loyalty, and love. You say that nobody has an answer, but what is the real meaning of your question? Are you asking why you can’t find a partner because you have done X and Y? or are you saying I’ve done X and Y, so why doesn’t anyone want to be with me? or Are my X and Y good enough for anyone to want?
You feel like you’re stuck with a disease that you can’t get rid of and nobody seems to understand. You’re being over looked and passed by. It must be so difficult to live with these thoughts. I agree, being on the outside looking in we think that others have it easier than us or they easily get whatever they want. Although this is true for some people, most people are dealing with problems of their own whether that’s financial, family related, work related, etc..etc. Besides, one of the most valuable lessons in life for me has been to not compare myself to others. If we compare ourselves to others, we will always be disappointed and continue our negative thinking patterns. To compare Taylor Swift to a cashier is wrong. Taylor Swift may have worked really hard to get where she is, but she still had some luck and support from others. Whereas a cashier may not have has the same opportunities present that we present to Taylor Swift. For example, I can be sad that i’m not a model, but in all honesty being a model is out of my control because I would have to be born with a slim figure, beautiful hair, eyes, and alluring features. I would have to be discovered, otherwise I would have to be photogenic and go from shoot to shoot to make money. That being said, sometimes people like Taylor Swift and Oprah just get lucky, but if there were so many of us like them then they wouldn’t be “different” anymore. We are all unique and have different experiences, therefore we get to different places in our lives at different times.
You said “you’ve done everything right, followed all the “rules”, did everything you’re suppose to do, kept your act clean, kept your conscience clear and ended up with NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.” Sorry to say, but there are NO rules for life. There is no right way to do it, no way to be perfect because life doesn’t come with a manual. The types of “right things” to do are merely set by society and vary from place to place. Trying to improve things over and over and over again is exhausting. Especially when you feel like you aren’t making any progress. Can I ask what you are trying to improve?
It must be so difficult to deal with life when we think it should be a certain way but isn’t going the way we think it should be going. I’m sure you’ve figured out that we can’t control the world around us. People, places, life, and everything else in the world is changing. Nothing is ever the same from one moment to another. What we can do is learn how to deal with the world when it’s changing on the outside. To have expectations is good, but we should learn not to get defeated when they are not met. Try to spend some time alone and figure out what the good things are about yourself. We may think others have it better than we do, but we can’t see their struggles. What do you think?
Annie
July 27, 2015 at 7:30 pm #80606AnonymousGuestDear ajlewis:
You wrote that you’ve done everything right and followed all the rules, did everything you are supposed to do. You wrote that you didn’t live your life foolishly or unconsciously, that you made mistakes but not bad decisions, that your conscience is clear and your act clean, and you have been true to yourself.
And nobody chose to be with you, you have experienced relentless poverty and you are currently unemployed after losing a seasonal job. You believe you are the victim of a curse or an unexplainable disease. Material success and family life happen to others but not to you. You have no idea why such a life of poverty and aloneness has befallen you and nobody you talked to has an idea why.
I would like to take a shot at what everyone else failed at- finding the reason to this mystery. I will need a bit more from you though: regarding the RULES you followed your whole life- what are those rules? Also, you wrote that you made some mistakes. What were the biggest, most consequential mistakes you made. You wrote you didn’t make bad decisions. Can you tell me of a few good decisions you made?
anita
July 28, 2015 at 9:28 am #80643TonyParticipantAnita
Thanks for your reply! I’d like to take you up on your offer!
Regarding “Rules” I was speaking rather broadly – we’ve all heard them in one form or another; get an education, develop your talents, be available and help out when the opportunity warrants it, stay involved.I don’t know about big consequential mistakes – more along the line of like mistakes of omission; not following through, not being the encouragement I should have been, etc.
Tony
July 28, 2015 at 9:49 am #80649AnonymousGuestDear Tony:
I need more. Your answers are too vague for me. I asked about the rules you followed: state those rules, a sentence per rule. I asked for the biggest, most consequentiaql mistakes, I need a detailed sentence per mistake, a specific mistake you made in a clear sentence. I asked for a few good decisions you made and didn’t get an answer, not one good decision made. I can’t move forward with my offer without information.
anita
July 28, 2015 at 2:18 pm #80663TonyParticipantAnita
I’m being vague on purpose. I feel uncomfortable with revealing too much about myself on an open/public forum. If there is somewhere off this board I could answer that would be fine.rules:
get educated – I have a college degree
follow your passion – I’ve played guitar for 45 years and kept up with it (there’s a story here)
save for the future – I’ve never made enough to save.
help where you can – I’ve donated over 3 gallons of blood
treat others as you want to be treatedgood decisions – finished college, declined marriage (there’s a story here)
July 28, 2015 at 2:24 pm #80665AnonymousGuestDear ajlewis:
You are afraid of losing something by revealing too much about yourself on an open/ public forum. What is it that you are afraid of losing? It cannot be money you are afraid of losing because you have so very little. It cannot be a girlfriend you are afraid of losing- or friends- because you do not have any. It cannot be a job you are afraid of losing- because you do not have any.
The answer may be in this very fear. Waiting for your answer.
anita
July 28, 2015 at 7:55 pm #80706TonyParticipantI don’t understand “…afraid of losing something by revealing too much” although I have lost a lot in the past
Tony
July 28, 2015 at 8:04 pm #80708AnonymousGuestDear ajlewis:
You wrote above: “I feel uncomfortable with revealing too much about myself on an open/public forum.” You feel uncomfortable to me means that you are afraid something may happen to you if you reveal too much on an open forum. What is it that you are afraid of? If you think you are not afraid, what is the nature of your discomfort abotu sharing on an open/ public forum?
anitaJuly 29, 2015 at 9:18 am #80738TonyParticipantIf you think you are not afraid, what is the nature of your discomfort
Its a privacy issue. Its about discernment and caution. I feel its about following my heart.July 29, 2015 at 11:21 am #80759AnonymousGuestDear ajlewis:
I wrote to you above: “(You wrote that)… You’ve done everything right and followed all the rules, did everything you are supposed to do…You didn’t live your life foolishly or unconsciously.. You made mistakes but not bad decisions.. Your conscience is clear and your act clean… You have been true to yourself.
And nobody chose to be with you, you have experienced relentless poverty and you are currently unemployed after losing a seasonal job. You believe you are the victim of a curse or an unexplainable disease. Material success and family life happen to others but not to you. You have no idea why such a life of poverty and aloneness has befallen you and nobody you talked to has an idea why.
I would like to take a shot at what everyone else failed at- finding the reason to this mystery.” I am ready now to take that shot.”
I am ready now to give you my answer based on your original post, your replies to me and mostly, my interpretations of these: you lack deep enough insight. You don’t look into yourself and into life in depth. You don’t look for answers and more so, you don’t ask yourself the questions that need to be asked.
anita
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