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No trust, time to let go?

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  • September 18, 2014 at 3:03 am #65143
    Jenny
    Participant

    I have been in my relationship for 7 years, we were both 18 when we first started dating and I was his first long term girlfriend.

    We speak of marriage with each other and buying properties together..

    Last year I found out he was cheating on me during his “boys nights out”. I only found out about 1 occasion, but there’s probably plenty more I don’t know about. I honestly thought I knew him – seeing as we’ve been together for so long, but ever since he started working at his new workplace his behaviours have changed and his a lot meaner and rude to me. He never admitted to it.

    Evidently, my trust has been broken- I feel useless and pathetic.. We didn’t see each other for a bit and then we got back together – I thought I had forgiven him but I couldn’t see myself being betrayed and I consistently feel as though I’m being cheated on over and over again. I stayed over his place and when I searched in google, he was searching for nudes of his co-worker. WTF. Who does that?

    I spent too much time and effort in this relationship, I forgot about myself and who I am. I don’t go out and explore as much as as I used to – bushwalking/hiking, meeting up with my girlfriends. I feel so ugly and insecure more than ever.

    How do I become a strong person enough and find myself again to leave for good?

    September 18, 2014 at 3:27 am #65144
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Well re-read what you wrote and you will know why you should leave. The question is, how? Simple. No contact with him whatsoever and cut it for good. Why should his choices be a reflection on your worth as a person? You have to live your life for your sake and dont let one relationship gone wrong make you question every single thing about you – there is way more to you than this relationship gone wrong despite the years and efforts. Its time you start reconnecting with those parts again Jenny and the way will create itself.

    September 18, 2014 at 4:40 am #65149
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jenny,

    Well, congratulate yourself for spending seven years with each other! It is not a failure, even though it did fail ~ seven years with anyone or doing anything is considered a triumph in my book and nothing to sneeze at.

    Now, as to the boyfriend: He went from a cute sweet boy to a mean ass in a man’s body. You can theoretically chalk it up to the new Quarter-Life Crisis phenomenon. But you definitely have to let him go. Forget marriage, and owning property with him.

    Break up with him and revisit him in a year (if you’d actually want to). In this next year go hiking, have girls night outs, get makeovers, meet grown-ups, find a new place to live if living with him, etc.

    You know what to do. And especially what not to do. No deep talks necessary. He doesn’t deserve them. Tell him you’re taking “a break”. After a month or two of no contact he will realize you dumped him.

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