Hi, everyone. I don’t know where I should really start but I’ll do my best to convey my situation. For background, I’m in the United States, which handled the pandemic really badly, and I live in a more conservative area with more anti-masking idiots than where my friend lives. We do both live in the same state though. I’ll call him Bill to make the narrative easier to follow.

Both Bill and I are in our early 50s. We’ve both been vaccinated fully (both doses, and it’s been maybe 6 to 8 weeks since we each got the second dose in our respective areas). Bill is taking care of his 80-something parents and having a hard time of it because his father is an overbearing jerk. I’ve told Bill he should just leave, but he doesn’t want to leave his mother alone with his father. He has a younger brother who’s employed full-time and lives a couple hundred miles away. So sometimes his younger brother comes for a weekend or 3 or 4 days if Bill’s lucky, and then Bill feels free to leave his parents’ house and get out of there. He and I are old friends.

Now Bill has had his run-ins with anti-maskers but not to the extent I have. I think all my fears around being in public are a topic for another thread, and I think I will make that thread soon. However, another thing is, Bill can get money from his parents, and he has room and board as part of the caregiving he does. I’m unemployed, and living off a small settlement (another story for another thread there). So far, I’ve managed to keep paying my mortgage and stay current on all my bills. The three economic stimuli have super helped me with paying for groceries so my settlement doesn’t run down quite as quickly.

So, to the point. Three times so far this year, Bill has asked me if I “want to *go* do something”. No, I really do not. I mean, I would love a change of scenery but I’m not good at figuring out secluded, yet affordable places to go, that aren’t just camping in a tent. I have a compact car, Bill has an SUV, and RVs are very costly to rent where I am. Also, while I’m willing to rough it a bit, I’m not willing to pay $70-$80 for a cabin or glorified tent–something like that should be cheaper, I think. Anyway, last night, Bill and I were texting, and after an hour of text, he asked me if I wanted to do something for the 4th, 5th, 6th.

Well, I replied calmly, but after we finished the conversation and said good night, I began to feel panicky. This is the third time Bill has asked me this year, and I’m just really angry at his thoughtlessness in asking me to spend money and be jittery.

Am I overthinking this? Bill is welcome to come stay at my home for those days just so he can get away from his father, and his responsibilities.  Because a couple of weeks ago, the idea was that we would do something the 11th – 15th, because we already knew his brother was planning to come then. But last night, I just found out his brother decided to split that time and break it into two shorter stays: 4th-6th and 10th-14th. So trying to figure out what to do for a major U.S. summer holiday during a pandemic with less than a week’s notice is infuriating to me. I didn’t sleep very well last night because of this. I don’t know if Bill knew this before yesterday, and also it irks me that he didn’t lead with this in last night’s texting.

Okay, I’ll leave it there, but will be glad to clarify or elaborate as requested. If anybody has read this and is thinking I would benefit from therapy, I AGREE. BUT, I’m on Medicaid, and so far, three professionals this year have not been helpful to me in managing my high stress levels very much. I contacted another therapist I’d seen four years ago, but she wrote back to say she had no availability. So much for that. So I’m in a therapy limbo, I guess. Suggestions for online forums might be useful to me though.

P.S. Is this a suitable topic for “Emotional Mastery?” If not, let me know. Thanks.