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November 3, 2016 at 2:53 pm #119576Kristin123Participant
Hi Guys,
I just recently posted about leaving a teaching job that was very stressful. I was offered my previous job back in human resources. I decided to take it. I was just also offered a job as an x-ray tech. I applies a few places while teaching not knowing I would be offered my old job back. I first went to college for radiology. I worked in it and got out due to the stress and call. That is when I got the human resources job. This job offer does require some call. The schedule is 3-11 and the pay is about four dollars more than I would make in human resources. There is only a 15 minute commute. The down side, there will be stress. The human resources job pays less and there is a 40 minute commute but zero stress and zero call. What do you guys think I should go with? Any advice?
November 3, 2016 at 8:30 pm #119583AnonymousGuestDear Kristin123:
I vote for the Human Resource job because it involves “zero stress.” Absolutely.
anita
November 3, 2016 at 8:48 pm #119586AnonymousGuest* my reply didn’t register on the main page, trying again….
November 5, 2016 at 5:44 am #119648InkyParticipantHi again, Kristin123, welcome back!
If you had left a job because of stress, then that means that you don’t do well with stress.
The other factor is how much you need or want the money. Forty minutes in the car is quite the commute, and you will spend more on gas and maintenance. With the high stress job at least you would be home before you know it!
If it was me, I would take the low stress job. But that is me.
Best,
Inky
November 16, 2016 at 6:56 am #120475Kristin123ParticipantThank guys for the advice. I did end up going back to my HR job. It is going well. I am much less stressed and in turn a better mom and wife at home. The drive still sucks but hopefully one day we are able to move a little closer. Part of me still feels somewhat like a failure. I was a good student in school and sometimes I feel I need to be something more, something great. That I am a failure because I am not a teacher, or doctor or something, and I like doing a low key job. When I was young everyone said how smart I was and I was going to be a doctor some day. I think I could be something greater, but I don’t like the stress of higher position job. Is that a bad thing?
November 16, 2016 at 7:32 am #120477AnonymousGuestDear Kristin123:
Congratulations for making the correct choice for you and for your family.
Notice this: when you were young “everyone said how smart I was and I was going to be a doctor some day.” The “going to be a doctor some day” communicates to the child: you are not special now, but you will be IF you will earn social prestige and high income,
What if everyone said: you are smart. You make good choices for yourself. If they said that, you wouldn’t be second doubting yourself now.
If you were still teaching or if you were a doctor during the first long shifts very stressful years or residence and such, you could be terribly distressed at this point. This is why Medical doctors take and get addicted to drugs they find in the hospitals where they work, to keep themselves awake. And how many relationships do not survive that high stress job… and drug addiction or other methods doctors use to survive the high, high stress job?
To choose and live wisely, we have to unlearn many (not all) social conventions, particularly those so heavily promoted in the media and marketing: social prestige and financial wealth being all that matters. This is simply not true.
anita
November 16, 2016 at 7:50 am #120480Kristin123ParticipantThank you Anita. You hit the nail on the head. I was raised in a family where what is on the outside means more than what is on the inside. It is hard to erase those ingrained conventions. I come from a family of conservative judgmental women. I need to work on erasing the years of childhood training.
November 16, 2016 at 7:54 am #120482AnonymousGuestDear Kristin123:
If life was simple and all we had to do was to learn new things. Life is complicated and difficult because there is so much we have to UNLEARN. Unlearning is way more difficult than learning. But it is necessary for well being.
anita
November 18, 2016 at 6:47 am #120631Kristin123ParticipantAny tips on how to unlearn things?
November 18, 2016 at 9:25 am #120647AnonymousGuestDear Kristin123:
Tips on how to unlearn things:
1. Expect it to be a long, gradual, none linear process: moving backward and forward, then backward and sideways and not moving at all, along the general move forward.
2. Be gentle with yourself as you move backward or not move at all- there is no way it can possibly be an always-forward process, and it cannot be instantaneous.
3. Stay away from interactions with people who, in those interactions, promote the social convention or otherwise thinking or belief that you want to unlearn; similar to not watching TV anymore so to avoid the ads.
4. Self talk: when you notice a thought carrying on the message you want to unlearn (a message that is not true to reality), tell yourself the message you want to learn (the message that is true to reality).
5. Pay attention to the people around you- examine how the messages you want to unlearn are indeed incongruent with reality and indeed are harming the people, causing them anxiety, distress and dysfunction.
anita
November 18, 2016 at 9:47 am #120651Kristin123ParticipantThank you so much
November 18, 2016 at 10:01 am #120653AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Kristin123. Anytime.
anitaNovember 27, 2016 at 1:22 am #121232JohnParticipantI found it interesting when you said ” I feel I need to be something more, something great”, I have fallen (and still fall) into that trap occasionally. I have a security job on a military base, which is protecting people, so quite ‘important’, but I’m a low rank and it’s very mundane sometimes and I do often think ‘shouldn’t I be doing something more/better than this?”, the magic word there is ‘shouldn’t I?’, and where does that ‘should’ come from? It comes from what you THINK other people are expecting and/or you start comparing your life to others who seem to be more ‘successful’, but my job is 4 days on/off, which provides me with a lot of free time, very cheap rent, free medical/dental and a pension, plus I get on great with everyone, and it gives me the chance to do charity work, so on balance am I really worse off? Ironically my previous job was in HR, which I absolutely hated!!!! The pressure, the stress, the phone-calls, emails, in-tray building up, customers complaining, long hours, in hindsight I’m very glad to have left! Keep positive and good luck!
November 27, 2016 at 1:22 am #121233JohnParticipantSee above
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