I tried to reach him out but it’s been a day he doesn’t respond. I don’t believe people don’t check their phones 24 hours. It’s so confusing because when I withdraw and want to leave, he don’t want to me to leave , but now he is ignoring me. I just don’t understand. What’s is all about? Help me

Dear Anita

We met on online dating, we feel clicked each other. I am introvert person, but I can be myself when we together. We laughed a lot, so many funny moments together (I still remember it until now). He’s very different from my another exes whose barely made me laughed.

6 months dating, we had our first fight. He was coldfever, vomited (if I am not mistaken)  and need to go to doctor. That was middle of the night, and I was so worried about him. I called him like 5 times, texted him a lot, but he angry ” I am in hospital , could you just shut up, don’t disturb me!”  he said. I was shocked, sad at the same time, I cried. Next day he disappeared for 2 months!  I don’t understand what I did wrong. Am I too noisy? Am I too worrysome? My friends said he’s just not into me. Two months ahead, I initiated contact, he replied.  We met and he said sorry, I forgive him and back together.

Six months later, he suddenly disappeared again!  As IT engineer he used to work overtime, usually 11 night until morning. We usually had chat when he’s overtime , but at that time he didn’t,  so i am curious where he is at 2 early morning. I called him 3 times, texted him, suddenly his phone turned off, then he just disappeared for months (again). I put down my ego and initiated contact, he replied, said sorry and so on.

By the way he is 3 yo younger than me, raised by single mom, his father passed away when he’s 5 yo. He has introduced me to his friends, but never to his family. He said that her mom doesn’t allowed him to bring girl home unless he is ready to marry. That’s 360 degrees different than my mom,  she’s such a type of always want to know her daughter’s bf, insist me to arrange dinner whatsoever but I denied because I want him introduce me first to his family then I’ll do the same. I never know where’s exactly his home. I asked him about it, he said you already know from my ID card.

Then, last ghosting behavior  was only one week, after we had a fight. I think because I wasangry he was too busy, I accused him doesn’t prioritize me. I said sorry and love him  ,can we work this out, but he ignored me for one week.

Fight after fight been through, finally I asked my friend to stalk his social media and found pictures of him with another girl. He was tagged and like that pict (means he hide it from his feeds). I was so mad and send him that pict, he said it was when we broke up, but i found picture was taken on january 2017 and we are still together in that time. I don’t know which one is truth. Deep in my heart says only God knows.

We had up and down moments, when we away mostly I initiated contacted. I cried a lot when we fight, he never saw me cried.  I refuse to give up on him. Sometimes I feel he doesn’t love me wholeheartedly, if he loves me why he ignored me when I reached him out.

He

Is it me or is it him?

Sorry for some mistyped

ear Anita

Lately i been thinking am I in narcissistic relationship? Am I shitty crazy narcissistic person or is it him? Seriously now I am questioning my sanity.

I made comparison list me vs him based on these narcissistic red flags

CHEAT/FLIRTING/LIE

Me :

I never cheat or lie or flirting. I don’t even attempt to get new male friend. My exes betrayed me, I know how damaging betrayal is, so I never think of cheat on my bf. I stay loyal and honest

Him :

Like I said before, my friend stalked his social media account and found his photo with another girl (very closed, holding his hand like a couple). He denied, ” she’s only my new friend, she asked me to take a selfie. That’s when we away” (refers to 2 months ghosting)

I asked “seem she’s very closed to you, she hold your hand? ”

“Maybe it’s just her style”, he replied

We celebrated 2017 new years eve together, that’s why I still remember on January 2017 we were OK, but I found that selfie photo took on 11 January 2017, and we were not away (broke up) that time. It means he lied, didn’t he?

ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

When he ghosted me, and I initiated contact (always me after he ghosted), he act like nothing happened, always like that.

LOVE BOMBING THEN TURNED TABLE

As new couple, he often share our date pictures on his social media make, said something sweet “good morning love.. ” me feel loved and quite flattering. He said “how lucky men you had crushed on”. But after a year, he totally changed, not loving as he used to.

TAKE ME FOR GRANTED

I often feel he takes me for granted, example :

He mocked me in front of my friends by saying I am stupid

He rarely appreciate what I did. I help him selling unused stuff in flea market, but he didn’t thanked at all.

He always always mocking me if I said wrong  vocabularies in english, wrong pronunciation whatsoever . FYI I live in south east asia, here I don’t speak english in daily basis. One day I get really mad and said “oh please, even my foreign sister bf can understand my english, why you can’t and always mocking me ?”

“Oh honey, it’s just joking, you’re too sensitive today” he replied

If it’s just joking, why he did it every time?

SILENT TREATMENT

When he get mad he do me silent treatment. I admit I ever did it too, because I think I need space to think and analyze. Is it wrong?

Once a time, we were in vacay, I was coldfever and sore throat, I couldn’t speak (literally! My throat was so swollen, pain when talk) but he mocked me by mimicking my weird painful voice. I got angry, so I just remained silence (because of pain and angry). He suddenly became angry too, and ignored me then busy playing online games. Tomorrow morning I feel better, so I went out alone to catch sunrise in front of our hotel room . I didn’t dare to wake him up because yesterday we were exhausted (we went to island hopping, snorkel, etc). After sun arised I called and text him, “honey are you wake up?” He didn’t respond so I back to hotel room. He got moody (I noticed changes in his facial expression ) then he remained me silent. That vacay turned into weird moment.

One of our trait is when one of us get moody, other will get moody too, vice versa.

Now I am questioning my sanity because he said I am TOO SENSITIVE, SELFISH, always ACTING SUSPICIOUS , HAVE UNBELIEVABLE NEGATIVE MIND? He literally said that

Update :

I noticed in his social media that he just had new female friends. I am wondering he seems doesn’t feel pain or grieve after breakup (it’s just 1 week!). I think normal people will grieve after breakup?