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This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by keine.

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July 10, 2016 at 8:03 pm #109336

Felix
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Hi Folks. I’ve come here before and I am here again. I kind of need some advise and perhaps some wise words.
Everyone goes through tough times in life. Everyone. The difference is how we react to these events. Some people handle it like champs, some crack and fall apart, and some just don’t give a f%ck.
I am somewhere between all three. I freak out immediately, but then shortly recompose my self and do what I need to do to get moving.
However, right now it’s more than I can handle and I am slowly cracking. Lost my job a few months ago. Found a job, amazing job, but it didn’t work out because of them. Not speaking to my parents because I they have continually destroyed and broken me. My grandmother is not doing well and she raised me so she is like a mother to me. Things with my wife are constantly on the bring of separation. I am worried about my dog 24/7. He is like my child. Plus, I am very concerned about what’s going on in he world right now. There is just so much bad stuff going on everywhere and I am the kind of person who thinks globally. And on top of that, LA is becoming really unaffordable, even for people who make a decent living. I feel trapped, like a slave, like there is no exit. I was born in USSR, the “Evil Empire”, “Evil Soviet Union”, and all that, but right now, myself, and a number of my friends would take that life over what we have now. I won’t go into explaining why, but trust me, that was paradise vs. what we have right now. I am sure I am exaggerating, but not by much.
So there it is, my personal and professional life are both in complete shambles. And I am really anxious about the world we live in. I dislike people more and more every day. I try to be decent, only to be backstabbed and betrayed. Everyone around is just greedy and only cares about their little, pathetic existence. It’s hard for me to function in this type of society.
Anyway, rant over. I just feel like it’s not one thing that’s causing me to feel “hopeless”, but the culmination of everything that’s going on around. I wish I was one of the people who just didn’t give a f%ck and just chilled about everything. I am not. I take everything close to heart and I feel so alone and don’t know what to do

July 10, 2016 at 11:38 pm #109366
Miniature Bodhisattva
Participant
Great now I have Brittney Spears stuck in my head! 🙂

My goodness, sounds like you have a lot going on, and it’s no doubt overwhelming. There have been times in my life where it seemed like everything was falling apart too. The only thing that helped pull me through these difficult seasons was 1) repeating the words my grandmother loved to say to us, “this too shall pass” (very wise…everything is impermanent…I think she was a secret Buddhist!) 2) taking on one issue at a time (this can sometimes take great discipline – you may need to mentally compartmentalize things for later) and 3) ask for help! It’s rare that anyone can tackle job changes, martial strains, issues with parents, etc. on their own. Talk to friends or a therapist. Support is so important. Quite honestly I would make reaching out to someone first on your to-do list.

Glad you were able to rant, and I hope what I had to say helped or provided comfort.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Miniature Bodhisattva.
July 11, 2016 at 8:45 am #109390

Felix
Participant

I know this too shall pass, but it’s overwhelming me. I am trying as hard as I can, but I feel like I am sinking. I had depression and anxiety before, but I was always able to beat it. This time I am just overwhelmed. And the help I can get from people close to me is very limited. If not for my wife and dog, I don’t know if I would be here right now

July 11, 2016 at 9:09 am #109391

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Felix:

Key word: overwhelmed. You are overwhelmed: the economics of living in LA, the materialistic, greedy, selfish society, the repeating brink of separation from your wife, your dog, global events…

You wrote: ” I take everything close to heart and I feel so alone and don’t know what to do”-

There is a compromise and as I see it, in between not caring about anything and caring about everything. The compromise is to shrink your head some so that you care only about the few issues you can do something about right now. Take One Step at a Time, having just the next moment, hour, day in mind. For now.

Prioritize: what is the most important two things for you right now? What can you do today to make your life a little bit better long term?

anita

July 11, 2016 at 9:17 am #109393

Felix
Participant

I am prioritizing. I am taking care of my family first and trying to see if I can fix my marriage.
My biggest issue is job search. I am highly qualified in the IT industry, but this is a pro-corporate, anti-people environment. After each interview I feel drained, worthless, and beaten down. I am 38 and I am basically starting over. That’s the part that’s killing me the most. Most of my friends are set. They have great jobs, businesses, wives, kids, houses, and retirement funds. I have almost none of that. It’s OK, everyone is different, but what sucks is that I know I am not stupid, but just made mistakes, had bad luck, and now I feel like there is so much I need to fix that it makes me feel the way I explained above. I know what I have to do. I just hope I run into some luck. Just a little luck will go far with me. I just need a break =(

July 11, 2016 at 9:29 am #109395

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Felix:

Like you wrote in a previous thread: you are not an idiot (your words). And I agree. You can think logically, you are qualified for a good job, as qualified, I imagine, as your friends to whom you compare yourself.

There is one thing that is holding you back, as I see it, and I am not referring to Luck. I think that what is holding you back, what is draining you every day- in addition to the life circumstances you described, such as unemployment- is you giving yourself a hard time. I can almost “hear” that inner critic of yours telling yourself these negative things, making negative evaluations about you, even calling yourself “an idiot”-

This abusive inner critic, or as I call it, the inner bully is draining you. It makes everything more difficult. If you take on the task of changing the way you talk to yourself, being kind and gentle to yourself, life will be better for you, I have no doubt. Only it takes willingness, hard work and patience.

anita

July 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm #109415

Felix
Participant

I appreciate everything that everyone tells me, here, in person, everywhere. But reality is setting in. I feel stuck. I am not complaining. I know some people have it much worse. I am just feeling trapped in my situation as if it will never pass. I know it will, but I’ve been in it so long that I don’t feel anything positive. At all

July 11, 2016 at 3:10 pm #109422

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Felix:

You are stuck. I hope soon enough you will see something new in your life, in your situation, some hope for a change. And then you will have that jump-start that you need to get unstuck.

anita

July 11, 2016 at 3:29 pm #109423

keine
Participant

Hello Felix 🙂

Yes, you are overwhelmed. I’m sure you tell yourself every day, “something has to give.”

My first instinct is to tell you to make a career change. You are highly qualified in IT, but you hate the corporate, hostile environment. It is hard to move away from something you have done for so long, and pride yourself on doing so well…but is it worth it to deal with a hostile environment, day in and day out?

Think about this: how would you feel if you worked in a more relaxed, more positive environment? I know nothing about the IT job market, but I’ve been exposed to the corporate world enough to realize that not every company harbors such a hostile environment. When you’re searching for jobs, do a little research into the companies you’re applying to. I’m sure you do that already–checking out the benefits packages, chances for advancement, the usual stuff. But I’m thinking more in terms of the environment, and how your coworkers are going to interact with you. In general, I’ve found that smaller companies are a little more relaxed than the big guys. Maybe consider that.

You consider your employment situation the top priority, so I’m starting with that…usually when one of these life issues is resolved, the others will fall in line. Even so, don’t neglect the other facets of your life–especially your marriage and family. I’m guessing your wife is feeling at least some of your stress. Finding a good marriage counselor would help you and her sort through those issues and find common ground.

Good luck with the job search, and everything else–give your dog a hug from me!
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