- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 months, 4 weeks ago by Anonymous.
May 18, 2021 at 5:38 pm #380058CrisParticipant
My hubby and I have been married over 27 yrs (high school sweethearts). He is a social butterfly while I prefer a nice quiet evening at home. Over the last couple of years this and other dissimilarities have started to wear on me. Wondering if our differences are starting to really come to surface which could cause major issues…
So how does everyone feel about opposites attracting but end up doomed in the end?.?May 18, 2021 at 6:06 pm #380061anitaParticipant
I heard the term “opposites attract” and I guess it is true for some people, in some contexts, but it is not true for everyone in every context. I don’t know if you and your husband’s attraction toward each other had anything to do with him being a social butterfly and you preferring a nice evening at home. Maybe your mutual attraction happened in spite of this particular opposite, not because of it.
You wrote that in the last couple of years, this dissimilarity (and other similarities) started to wear on you. I wonder if you are tired of entertaining guests in your home, tired of hosting dinners and get togethers. If this is the case, you can stop doing that, and the two of you can socialize for shorter periods of time in contexts that don’t require you to inconvenience yourself, in a casual outdoor restaurant perhaps, or in the local outdoors taproom for a nice, social afternoon.
Or is there something more serious going on (or not going on) in your marriage (?)
anitaMay 19, 2021 at 11:07 am #380087PeterParticipant
Their is another saying that ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ which I guess has some truth. The longer we know someone the more likely we forget what attracted us to them and take things for granted. Hopefully that doesn’t lead to contempt.
I think partners having different interests is good for a relationship as long the differences are respected. I also don’t think partners need to have everything in common or do everything together all the time. Teaching a extrovert to enjoy quite time and a introvert to be more social at times is a positive.
In ballroom dancing when your learning to connect as a lead or follow the intention is to create space and fill it. Their is a difference in how the Lead creates space and fills it and how the Follow fills space and creates its but both are creating space and filling it. Creating and filling space at the same time may seem a impossibility but we do all the time. Doing so consciously allows our partner to ‘know’ were we are, where we are going, what shape is being created… Its a communication that isn’t a pull or push but a invitation. And so we dance.
A shared practice of mindfulness and gratitude could help in creating and filling space. I find it helpful sometimes to ask my self – ‘How am I creating space? How is the space being field? How am I filling space?
May 20, 2021 at 12:40 am #380107Canadian EagleParticipant
- This reply was modified 5 months ago by Peter.
Are your core values and beliefs aligned ? I would suspect they are as you have been together for 27 years . So you have a foundation. When families are reared and you have more time it is natural to question your life decisions. Possibly you both need independent interests and friends that will enrich you as individuals thus feeding your relationship with topics , the time together becomes more preciousMay 22, 2021 at 7:16 am #380254AnonymousInactive
even though you both say you’re both different there may have been some attraction from the off.
but you said you’ve been married for 27 years. Maybe it’s just come to a head. I’m not saying to get a divorce, just one possible outcome here.