Dear yoda428:

No, you did not miss the mark again. Your last post was not like the others. You did not circulate the same thoughts, you described the situation. You OBSERVED yourself thinking those thoughts and in so doing you, for the time you wrote the latter post, for that time, you were not IDENTIFIED with those thoughts.

This is the key, to be in the place of OBSERVING instead of being IDENTIFIED with the thoughts. It is only from this position that you can examine the truth or lack of truth in those thoughts.

This is a difficult process and I hope you can have a good therapist to help you with this. It is difficult because the thinking is a result of certain chemical, electrical or so CONNECTIONS in your brain that get re-activated again and again… easily. Easily because those connections are established.

There is a way to weaken those connections and form new connections. Unfortunately it is not an easy process- or an instant thing. It takes time and patience and a process. It is probably the most difficult process there is. It requires HELP from another. It requires patience, and more patience and faith in the process as you endure discomfort again and again.

anita
You are thinking wrong and it makes you miserable. Self help books will not help. Only good professional help and your full engagement in the process of healing and eventually changing your thinking.

Dear yoada428:

I hope you get the help you need. Of course a routine will help and I hope you can form such a routine. When you are calmer or feeling better, perhaps attend to the project of challenging your thoughts and forming realistic thoughts (the concept of CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Things you believe are not so in reality. The macho and all-man you assume her boyfriend to be is probably your delusion, not much to do with reality. Just one of many assumptions that you make that are not so. Please post again and I am rooting for you to get better and better!

anita