Hi Lee

I am sorry that you are finding yourself in such a dilemma.

Hey, our actions do not lead to mistakes ever. It is a wrong belief that many of us have been brought up to believe in endlessly. All actions lead to an outcome and if we are wise enough, we learn a valuable lesson from each of those outcomes – either favourable or non favourable. In other words, everything that happens in life is to teach us something about ourselves so that we can progress further in our spiritual, emotional and physical journey.

You are right that decisions should be based on love and not fear. When we make decisions with underlying fear, we tend to create unfavourable outcomes for ourselves. After all, everything that happens in our lives is also our own creation somewhere along the lines. Either consciously or subconsciously, we have chosen to be in the state we are in. This is a very profound statement and I hope you will ponder over it for a few minutes.

Nothing that you do will be a wrong choice. Remember, there are no wrong choices – there are actions and each action leads to outcomes. Some outcomes work for us and some don’t but each outcome has the potential to move us forward in life if we let them. You can still turn things around for yourself and hubby.

Perhaps, you need to figure out the following: What does LEE truly want ? What will fulfil LEE ? What is the status of your relationship with yourself and husband ? Are you in love with yourself and husband ? Do you feel anything is missing in life ? If you couldn’t have children, would it alter your life in a huge way ? Will it make you a lesser of a person ? If you were to die tomo without having kids, would your heart be left with unfulfilled desires ? If you were to leave your husband and adopt a child, would you be happy ? Do you want your own kid or someone’s else kid will do ? Would you like to have a kid with another partner down the road ?

I will share my experience with you: I am a female and have been married to my husband for more than a decade now. I am 36 as well. He wanted kids from day one and I wasn’t sure as I was quite career oriented in my earlier years. Few years ago after settling down in all aspects of life, I told him, I do not feel a need for a kid of my own and if he really wanted a kid of his own, he should move on and find someone else as I may not change my mind. We had a few deep and meaningful conversations over a course of 2-3 years. Finally, we came to an understanding that our time together was more important than having a biological child. We had an option of adopting a child, which is always open. But as the time has gone on, we have both evolved and don’t feel the need to expand our families at the present moment. Instead, we have gone into supporting kids of a few under privileged families and it feels great. What we have done may not suit you as your circumstances might be different but I suggest that you both sit down and figure out what is important for both of you in the short and long run.

I feel kids benefit from a loving and responsible set of parents. If one is missing, the kid may grow up fine but may always have a regret that he or she didn’t have a complete family. You know what I mean ?

Do what your heart says is right. Either way, it will be for your highest good if you can have faith in my faith.

Loads of positive energy coming your way,

Jasmine

Hello Lee. Thirteen years ago (aged 30) I faced the same dilemma with my partner of 11 years (at the time). He had other priorities (money, his car, his career, holidays) and I had convinced myself that I didn’t want kids, having suggested it to him 5 years earlier & him accusing me of not wanting to work (he got quite angry). Five years on & I started having dreams about having a baby & waking up in tears because it wasn’t true. I became increasingly restless and ended up leaving him & found a man who did want children & now we have 3 boys. It was incredibly difficult to leave my ex & I felt a lot of guilt over it but we all have to follow our own hearts or end up resentful & miserable. For me – I didn’t know what life was for until I had children. It might not be so important to your life but perhaps your husband thinks that the ‘freedom’ he has is too valuable to sacrifice. Perhaps for the sake of your marriage you could ask him to do some thinking to find out why he’s against it. Maybe his upbringing puts him off – maybe he thinks he will be a bad father. Having kids is scary – perhaps he could talk to someone?

I hope you work things out with your husband but if you really want kids I would not recommend ignoring your feelings.

Lucy